REASONS! ON FIREDUPTHURSDAYS
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REASONS! ON FIREDUPTHURSDAYS
Why Small Annoyances Turn Into Big Fights
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
A cup left on the counter should not turn into a full-blown fight, yet somehow it does. We start with that exact scenario and pull the thread until the real issues show up: respect, effort, fairness, feeling valued, emotional safety, and the deep need to feel truly known by the person we love. If you have ever thought, “Why am I so mad about something so small?” this conversation helps you name what is actually happening under the surface.
We lean on Gottman research to explain “bids for connection,” the tiny moments where we ask for attention, care, or simple engagement. We talk about what it means to turn toward a partner even when you are busy, how “you always” and “you never” can be a clue that someone has been holding things in, and why criticism is very different from contempt. Along the way, our live chat brings real-life examples about chores, appreciation, parenting in mixed families, and the ways people avoid hard conversations because they fear the reaction.
Then we shift to Celebrity Corner and a mental health headline: Reese Weaver stepping away from being a beloved Dallas Cowboys cheerleader after three years, and what it looks like to leave a dream when your “cup is full” and social media is taking a toll. We close with a bonus relationship story that raises big questions about intimacy, boundaries, stress, and whether the fight is ever really about what just happened in the moment.
If this hits home, subscribe, share the episode with a friend, and leave a review. What is the “cup” that sets you off, and what do you think it is really about?
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Welcome And Fire Up Thursdays
SPEAKER_00The button has been pushed. And yes, we're here. We're about to get it started in the next five, four. You know what? We're missing. Yeah. Anyway, we'll talk about that after the show. Because I'm I'm I I just thought of something and I'm kind of like now pissed off because it should have been uh done, but it's not done. You don't know what I'm talking about, then you ain't gonna notice what you're talking about. Tell the boy just goes on a rampage, right? Let's go. Out the gate. Thank you guys for joining us. It is kind of loud up in this piece, right? I hope y'all enjoy it. But anyway, we appreciate you guys coming in. It's fire up Thursdays. Reasons on Fire Up Thursdays, y'all. And we appreciate you guys tapping in. Hey, we got a we got a nice show coming up. We want you to share uh what else we want them to do?
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SPEAKER_00Willing to share, follow, and doing it. Enjoying. That's what I'm talking about. Join in on the conversation, you guys. I see you. Uh we got oh the topic's gonna be crazy today. Uh, but we got my co-host, host G in the house. Look, she thought I was gonna get, didn't I?
SPEAKER_01Bravo. Cousin G's in the house. What's up? What's up? Hey everyone. And of course, proud. You probably mean yes.
SPEAKER_00So proud. All right. And yes, we're gonna have the celebrity go corner as well. We got shelves in this week. So where's where you at Shelves? Where you at? Where you at? In there somewhere. There you go.
SPEAKER_04I'm right here. There she is. I got a good show for you guys today.
SPEAKER_00All right, yeah, because I I'm not I'm not too familiar with the young lady, so it's better be juicy. It better be no, it's gonna be great. Do you know about okay? All right, all right. We're both gonna be surprised. That's what's up. That's what's up. All right, all right. So we'll we'll come back with your shell in a second. Um, so let's talk. We just get into the topics. We um we need to go ahead and you know, just jump right in. Let's jump right in. Jumping in, yeah, yeah. Just jump on in.
SPEAKER_02So we'll two feet jumping in.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02All
The Cup Scenario And Triggers
SPEAKER_02right. Um, do you want me to go? Do you want to do a little thing? Okay, so I want to paint a scenario for you all, and let's see if this lands. So it's seven o'clock, it's been a long day. You've just been going crazy this week. You walk into the kitchen, and there it is, the same cup, same spot on the counter, right next to the empty dishwasher, by the way, right? And something in you just snaps. Not because of the cup, because the cup obviously didn't do anything wrong, but suddenly you're in a full argument about respect, right? About effort, about whether your partner actually cares. And they're looking at you like you've lost your mind over a cup, but you're not fighting about the cup, you never were, and that's what we're gonna talk about today. Um, so my first question, because I always have a question out the gate for y'all, is is there something like one thing that you that's your cup that really kind of just sets you off when it's not you know handled or um is there something? Is there something?
SPEAKER_00Um hold on, I'll I'll get to you in just a second. I was trying to see on my okay. It's all good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Don't go to me because I don't have it yet either.
SPEAKER_00Okay, we can stall.
SPEAKER_04Do, do, do, do, do.
SPEAKER_00Is there something? Okay, so I don't know. I don't know if it's if there's actually because I'm I'm kind of open to say what I don't want to say. You know what I mean? So I don't hold anything. You know what I mean? It's kind of like and if I'm if I'm getting what you're saying, it's kind of like you're you're you're arguing about something when it's not really that argument. It's not really that something. Yeah, it's not really that something.
SPEAKER_02It's something that triggered you because you've you know it's happened over and over and again, but it's not really that thing is not really the big thing, right?
SPEAKER_00Right. Um, hmm.
SPEAKER_03That's a good question. Really good question.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but I'm I'm trying to think back. If I had to actually like held held something in and had an argument, but it really wasn't about that, it was more so about something else. Um, but it basically, you know, grew within that time, you know, within that conversation, because I was kind of like I don't, I don't uh me myself, I don't hold grudge like that. I don't think. I don't it's it's kind of like we have the conversation, then after that conversation, it's over. I have a pet peeve of not repeating the same conversation if we thought it was supposed to be solved moving forward. That makes sense.
SPEAKER_02I'm feeling a trend because I think we've talked about this like for the last five weeks with you. Like really? Let's go back and listen. Yeah. What trend? What are you talking about? Okay, so let me let me flip the let me flip the question for you if you don't feel like it's for you. Do you feel like you've been in a situation where somebody is flipping out over something that you're just like, what the heck? It it's just a cup, you know. I mean, it might not be a cup, but for you, but and you don't understand why this the um intensity of the anger or whatever it might be over something that seems so little, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Like something can came up or whatever, and it wasn't really about what they brought up, it was more so to get to what they talked about before or what they were thinking to bring into the argument is as is as sake of an argument, you know what I mean? Uh, but so yeah, I have.
SPEAKER_02Do you remember what the something was that was the kind of like cup? What the thing is they brought up that really wasn't the thing.
SPEAKER_01I have to get back with you. Cannot share that on live.
SPEAKER_00No, no, no. I don't know. I don't I mean I'm trying to think it's been so while, you know, it's not it's it's been a while.
SPEAKER_04It's okay, you know.
SPEAKER_00But um I don't know, I didn't think about that. Okay, but but the viewers, y'all can let us know too. You know, y'all watching, y'all can let us know.
SPEAKER_02Shelby, what about you? You we've given you time to ponder.
SPEAKER_03Oh gosh, I know I was thinking about it. I'm kind of like stomped, like feel. I mean, I know there's definitely something like when I'm tired, I feel like every little thing will, you know, just kind of get to me, even though it's not, you know, a huge deal. But just because I'm tired, it feels you know worse than it actually is.
SPEAKER_00Have you ever held something in and then like brought it in on the conversation uh about something else? So say for instance, look, I'm asking her, like it's a good thing.
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna sit back on my phone, right?
SPEAKER_00So have you ever just basically had an argument or or maybe say, for instance, you wanted to argue about, or you probably had a uh issue about the guy being late, you know what I'm saying, or the guy not calling you, like we talk sometime about. And but you didn't really, you know, you already argued about that, right? But it's still in you, but then you think of something else to nitpick about. I don't know if that's the right word to use, nitpick about and bring that same argument back up.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, definitely, that's definitely a thing.
SPEAKER_00I feel like you definitely do that.
SPEAKER_03Oh, definitely. Like, I'm I'm probably somebody I I need to learn to be more like feel in the sense of just letting it go after the conversation is over. But I feel like I yeah, there's always something like extra for me. And like because I'm processing slows, and then also, yeah, I feel like something else will just come up, you know. Maybe that just mentioned, like he said, and then it'll come up in a later conversation, and then it kind of, you know, they're like, Oh, we're done talking about this, but I'm like, I'm not done.
SPEAKER_00Right, right. So you bring so you'll bring up something else or whatever to to kind of like keep that conversation, that argument basically alive. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03When I don't when I don't get sleep, I definitely like something, everything will bother me.
SPEAKER_02We're going back to like 12 episodes ago about lack of sleep. Yeah, see how this all just ties together so magically. Um, okay, so what I want to talk about today is is we can all agree that it's not the cup, right? It's not the trash not being taken out, it's not the shoes left by the front door, it's something else. Um, it's a feeling, really. And today we're gonna talk about that. And then in a couple of weeks, we're gonna talk about some tools. So, see, you're gonna have to come back, y'all. If you want to know what tools, tools, tools, tools to work through to fix that. Yes, exactly. So there's always two levels in an argument, and most people, especially couples, only kind of get to level one. And level one is really talking about the the cup, right? The the dishes, the lateness, the forgotten task, the tone of your voice. Um, and level two is really the subset, the actual grievance that's been going on for a while. It's building up, right? Um, that we just kind of don't ever address, or I shouldn't say any all of us, but many of us don't address, right? So we talk about the cup and you never do the dishes and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you don't get to what's really going on. And so Gottman calls these uh the hidden agendas, and it's really the underlying emotional, unresolved grievances that surface based on triggers like the cup, right? You've seen the cup five days in a row sitting on the counter. Um, and it's creating it's like the launching pad for all this built-up feelings of things that have been going on. So, excuse me, there I go coughing again. It's something about fuel.
SPEAKER_00I think no, don't feel like on me.
SPEAKER_02I mean, it's me, you, and I mean it's actually allergic, it might be the conversation, yeah. It's actually allergies, but
Five Hidden Fights Underneath
SPEAKER_02okay. So there's five things that typically we argue about um that are the real argument that are hidden in something else, like the cup. So the first one is respect. So imagine, if you will, that that cup represents for you that you don't respect me enough to put your stuff away and you expect me to do it, right? Um, you wouldn't treat a stranger that way. You wouldn't go to their house and just leave your dishes around. Why are you doing it to me? So respect would be the number one thing. Um, and I'd love, you know, if if you guys want to chime in at all and have any thoughts on any of these, let me know. But the other is value. So you don't you don't value my effort, my time, my contribution. It seems invisible. Like I don't count. Like what I'm doing doesn't count. You're not, you know, you're not valuing me and what I my my contribution is, right? So this is these are the underlying, right? And we're talking we're we're we're launching off the cup, but that's not really the problem. Gotcha, right? It's this other thing. Fairness, I do way more than you do. It's not balanced, right? Why is it that I have to do I hear buzzing? I think it might be in my head. Um, it's okay, guys.
SPEAKER_00It's probably in my head. I don't know what kind of issues going on over here today. Yeah, we've got all kinds of things. We got coughing, we got buzzing in my head.
SPEAKER_02I don't know what this all means.
SPEAKER_04No, go ahead.
SPEAKER_02Okay, and then the the next one, which is a big one, is emotional safety. And what it feels like is like I can't bring my problem to you without it becoming a bigger problem, right? You know, that's not safe for me to say, hey, I'm feeling a little disrespected in the fact that you know you're thinking I have all this time to do the dishes or whatever it might be, right? And the last one is being truly known. So that feeling of you're not paying attention to me and what my actual needs and my life look like. So those are the five kind of arguments underneath every small fight.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_02Right. So, did any of those land for any of you? Do you feel like any of those five things are something that kind of like stung a little bit when I said it, and you're like, oh yeah, that would be mine, but you know, no, fuel is so perfect in everything.
SPEAKER_00But but the thing is, now nobody might say the same thing uh about me, you know what I'm saying? I mean, I might be thinking I'm you know, but I might have done it or with someone and didn't realize I did it or whatever. Um you have to do something really uh harsh or something bad to me in the past for me to kind of hold on to it to bring it back in the conversation in the present. You know what I mean? Um often enough, I haven't really had that. You know what I'm saying? Thank goodness I haven't. It's good. Uh but I could be, you know, I could be wrong. So, you know, if any of y'all that know me out there that's you know think that I've held on to something that didn't brought it up, ooh, I it just hit me.
Resentment And Keeping The Peace
SPEAKER_00No, some something just hit me. And I don't know if this fit in the same category.
SPEAKER_04Let's see.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so I had a friend, best friend, and then and you know, we and it's not a relationship thing, it's just best friend thing. And uh this person basically, because I was there for them, you know, for whatever, and down for whatever, I basically, you know, kind of broke off because I felt like they was taking advantage of whatever the case would be. So then we ended up cool, right? But at one point I did kind of like bring up, like, you know what I'm saying, because we got into arguing about something else, but I'm already still, you know, kind of pissed about, you know, how you treated me at that time or whatever the case would be. And so now, in order for me to really get it off, because say it, I might not have got it off in the past like I wanted to, but I was waiting on this opportunity to, you know, get it said it off or whatever. You know, you know how you say, like, you just just wait till you do. I want to say, I ain't gonna say the word. I was gonna almost say the end word, but you know, if you know, if it just happened one more time, then I'm curious about, you know what I mean? And I was prepared. You know what I mean? So that's kind of what you're talking about, right?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's interesting because there's you know, what I hear you saying, it and I love when somebody's like, okay, let's find the right time, the right environment, the right tone, that we're all in a good space. I can tell you that. I mean, that is really um, and we talked about this a f a few episodes ago, but you know, our way of um trying to, and I don't mean this in necessarily a negative way, but manipulate the outcome, right? We want the outcome to be as pleasant and as as peaceful as possible and for us to kind of get it the way that we want it, want it, right? Versus and and the the bummer of that is that whole time you got to hang on to being annoyed at the fact that you were doing all the things and he wasn't really right being the kind of friend that that you yeah that you thought you deserved because of how you were being to him, right? So I'm wondering what we're going off track just a little, but we're gonna do it anyway though. What if you know what might have prevented you from speaking up when you first started feeling a little bit resentful in the fact that he wasn't really reciprocating in the way that I think I think a part of it at that time was I didn't want to take like I didn't want it to get out of hand, you know, completely out of hand at that time because I I was still maybe trying to save the friendship.
SPEAKER_00You know what I'm saying? And so basically, you know, as things you think you kind of ignored and it gets a little bit better or whatever, and I'm still holding that little grudge still in in the back of my head or whatever, because I'm kind of like now my my flags are up, like you know what I'm saying. If you do something, then I'm already, you know, ready to jump. I'm ready to go. You know what I mean? So that's the that was the thing. I think the first time it was more so to keep it from escalating, but still like you know, thinking that you know, either it's gonna get better as we go or it's gonna get worse. And basically it at that time it got worse. It got worse. Yeah. And I got in here shit big time because I was like, you know what I mean? We basically uh because I knew I was in the right, you know. I'm always right.
SPEAKER_02Of course, 100% at the time. Yeah, always, yes. And we know, we all know. Okay, so so I'm gonna just throw I don't want you to respond to this. I just want to like throw it out there and just let it let it like let it bubble inside of you for a while, right?
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_02What if when you were kind of tried to keep the peace and not saying what was what was happening for you, the experience that you were having, right? What if that was actually you showing up as not fuel? And so your friend was being friends with somebody that wasn't your true and authentic self because you weren't sharing what was what your experience was. You see what I'm saying? You were like trying to behave in a way that wouldn't you don't have to answer, right? I just want you to like sit with it, just you know, to be keeping that in and not sharing what was true for you. You were having a friendship, he was having a friendship with not the real you.
SPEAKER_00With not the real me.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, because you were filtering, right? You weren't you were trying to keep the peace, and really inside you were like, this is pissing me off.
SPEAKER_00But that was a real me, is keeping the peace.
SPEAKER_02Well, no, because what you really wanted to do is not have any of that. You just didn't want to deal with the confrontation, right?
SPEAKER_04At the time, right?
SPEAKER_02But ideally, you know, if if you would have had what you needed at the time, we do the things that we do to keep ourselves safe. But if we if you would have had what you needed at the time, and then when it first started, when you first got that inkling of like this, this doesn't feel good, and you could have said something then, that would have been a better scenario, right? Because that's it.
SPEAKER_00But then that goes with that goes with, you know, sometimes, sometimes we try to learn, you know, the the practice to certain things to walk away and let it, you know what I'm saying, and then you know, and then maybe come back and it'll be, you know, and maybe the conversation be a little bit calmer or you know, better, you know what I'm saying, and and more, you know, probably the communication probably be better or whatever, and understanding each other. Uh, but uh if you're holding that grudge though, you know what I'm saying? So the way, so the thing is, is I probably didn't learn how to just get rid of the grudge and leave the grudge alone. I kind of held on to it or whatever until you know it got to a point where it's like, hey, yeah, you know, like this ain't cool, you know what I mean? Uh so I mean that's the thing, is some is it and we talk we talk about this or whatever, but sometimes in real time, we don't think about it.
SPEAKER_02Of course not. As you know, this is why we do all this, right? So we can learn better, better ways to navigate.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. Right? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So going back to my list of five things for you, then it was fairness, like you were carrying more and of the load, the friendship load, right? Right. That's a great that's a great example. Yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_03I have some thoughts.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I know we don't want to get too off track, but I feel like I don't sometimes say things. I'm getting better at speaking what like speaking my mind of what I really want to say, but I feel like I don't respond sometimes because I feel like it's kind of like do you want to keep the peace, but I'm just like afraid of people's responses. Like I don't mind speaking my mind and like saying this bothered me, but I'm like afraid of people's responses, I feel like.
SPEAKER_02Yes, because you're worried about something bad like bad happening, right?
SPEAKER_03They're either gonna either explode or they're gonna just like ghost me.
SPEAKER_02Or they're gonna ghost you, or something, yeah, something negative is gonna happen. So then we just curve who we really are, bottle it up, keep it inside because we're worried about the outcome. Um, and that's the work, right? Like we do that to keep our again, to keep ourselves safe. That's that's what's happening is like it's safer if I do it this way, right?
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, so a couple little things that we need to watch for when we're having these kind of conversations or arguments about the cup when it's not the cup, right? Because a lot of times you'll hear things like you always or you never, right? When we hear you always or you never, that is a clue to you that this person has been holding and bottling up something that because they don't really believe that you never do something or you always do something. That's not true, right? They're not, they're not, but it it is your sign to know that there's something that they've been holding in for a really long time, and it's not about that you never put the cup away.
SPEAKER_04Okay, right.
SPEAKER_02So never and always are are good clues for you to kind of go like what's or you'd think for a minute, okay, what's happening? It's not about the cup, gotcha, right? There's something deeper. So so that's a good one. Um, so a lot of times this um these grievances start from what Gottman calls is a um lack of responding to the oh, you want the question?
SPEAKER_00No, no, no, no, no. I just I was one who's Gottman.
SPEAKER_02Oh, so Gottman, John and Julia Gottman um is part of the work that I use, and they've studied couples for oh my gosh, it I don't know the actual time now, it's probably 45. 50 years. Um, and we can talk about their whole thing at another time because we don't have time for that today. But they study to see what behaviors couples um exhibit that will lead to them staying together or ending up in you know, separating or divorce.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_02So, you know, they've got it down to a few things that really um we can tell by looking at the way that a couple will behave together, whether or not they are on the road to healing and growing together or on the road to pack your bags.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bids For Connection And Gottman Stats
SPEAKER_02So one of the things that they say is what builds up part of this grievance in one of those areas that we talked about, is not not responding to what they call bids for connection. And a bid can be something as simple as like me saying, Hey, Fuel, look at this video, which by the way, right now he's ignoring me, just so you know. No, I'm listening.
SPEAKER_00No, he's doing stuff. But um, see, they don't even know that unless you look, camera ain't on me.
SPEAKER_01Why are you even trying to CC? He's looking at me a hundred percent and paying attention to your front street child.
SPEAKER_02Okay, he's a busy guy over here making it all happen.
SPEAKER_03Okay, you've got a hard job.
SPEAKER_02So it could be something as simple as hey, look at this video, right? And the person either turns and responds to that bid, right? Or um they might, you know, they would turn and and and be engaged, or they might turn away and ignore, like not hear you, like just be like, oh, whatever. Or um, worst case scenario is they kind of dismiss it like I don't have time, you know, that's probably stupid. I don't have time for the video, right? And so those little things throughout the day, it could be a bigger um, could be big, a bigger big by saying something like, you know, I've had a really hard day. And if you lean in and like tell me about it, that's towards, right?
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_02If you're like, I don't have time for this right now, that's kind of a way, or you just don't say anything. Or if you're like, you know, we all have hard days. I don't, you know, you should just deal with it. That's that's another way, right? And you can see where they could they could they could turn. So what Gottman's research shows is that couples that turn towards a bid for connection, 86% of the time are the couples who stay together. Those who turn away 33% of the time are the ones that are headed for divorce. So, you know, thinking about that cup right is really the kind of um straw that broke the camel's back, if you will.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_02Very likely because those bids for connection, however small they were, for me trying to connect with you have not been received. You haven't you haven't, you know, gone towards me in those bids. So um, so just you know, keeping that in mind that this is a big indicator as to whether or not you're gonna stay together, right? If I'm reaching out to you, even if in the smallest little way, yeah, to say, hey, what do you think about this color orange? And you just blow me off and don't even respond, right? You are not responding to my bid for connection. I am trying to connect to you, right? Okay, okay. Now that doesn't mean you always have to be available, right? Right? You can be like, oh, I'd love to talk about the orange, but I'm really busy doing my work right now.
SPEAKER_00But yeah, but but but how would that opposite person? I wish I would take it.
SPEAKER_02She might take it as you are still connecting.
SPEAKER_00You are still, you're not like Yeah, but I mean, but you got some people that can you can be like, you know, hold on, not right now, but I'm I'm cool. I'm I'm you know, I'm I got I'm doing something. Or, you know, but they need to get that off their chest right then.
SPEAKER_02I'd love to talk to you about this. Can we do it later? I'm right in the middle of something. It don't always work like that. I know it doesn't, but I'm telling you because because the other person has work to do, right? The other person has work to do.
SPEAKER_03So we've all got work to do.
SPEAKER_00You know, we've all we've all I mean I'm not just speaking, I'm speaking for I'm not speaking just for me, you guys. No, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_02You're absolutely right. You know what I mean? And you don't have to get it 100% of the time, right? But let's say they're like whatever, why he's you know, he's ignoring me. This is really important. This orange color is really important to me. Um, you know, you can fumble sometimes. You can't fumble all the time. Some of it, you know, you have to lean in towards those bids 86% of the time. Yeah, it's not 100, right?
SPEAKER_00Well, see what like especially us as men, you know, say for instance, we once we say, okay, we're busy or or we don't want to talk about it right now, and or something like that, you know, it's it's kind of like we have to get in a place to make up for that.
SPEAKER_02Tell me more.
unknownWhat more do you want to know?
SPEAKER_02I want to know what make up for it means.
SPEAKER_00I mean, I mean, you you just kind of like say, for instance, okay, you know, if I if I ignore it, then I'm gonna I'll probably even feel it later, like, damn, maybe I should not have, you know, uh ignored her or made her feel like that I'm ignoring her or whatever. So I have to, you know, make up for it some kind of way, you know what I mean? What are those things? I guess moving. What would the because you're you're a female, so I'm asking you, what would be that the way to make up for something like that? Because in real time, sometimes it doesn't, you know, we don't think of it that way. You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_02Okay. So when when there's a bid for connection, so if I say, hey, look at this video and you're like, you know, I'd really love to, but I've got to get this report out first. Can we do it later? That that counts as a positive, that counts on the positive. That's not a negative. Like, I might not like it. I might want you to do it now, yeah, but you've still connected with me, right? Versus you're just work, you're just working away and you're just like ignoring that I'm even asking anything. Or or worse, you're like, I don't have time for that garbage. Like that, whatever you're gonna show me is stupid, right? That's even even worse, right? So you don't have to be available all the time at that moment, but to acknowledge that I am reaching out to you to want to connect and for you to respond to me.
SPEAKER_00So basically, the acknowledgement of just should should be enough to not have it grow into a bigger situation or argument, is what you're saying.
SPEAKER_02Oh, that's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_00Gotcha.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, I got you. That's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_00Somewhere Nick Nick is in the house. I see you, Nick Nick. Uh my daughter said, So proud of you that don't make me cry, girl. You know, I hate when you do stuff like that. Oh, come on, do it. I want to wish you, wish you wouldn't.
SPEAKER_03I want to see what crying.
SPEAKER_00Nick Nick said, I see you here. Uh it doesn't work like that, she said. When does it work like what, Nick? Uh I mean, Asia, tell me what it doesn't work like. She said, uh, for a female, we want to get our point across, then and there, or we will forget. That's exactly what I'm saying. Oh, you're gonna forget. No, she said she said for a female, we want to get our point across, then and there, then and there, or we will forget. You or women.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, she said female. No, I this is okay.
SPEAKER_02If it's important to you, I don't think you're gonna if it's that important, you probably won't forget. But um, uh without going down a rabbit hole, um, that's not true a hundred per I I don't disagree, but it's not true a hundred percent of the time. Those who those who need response right away, there's again something underneath that, right? Yeah, it's it's not just yes, you have to talk to me about the orange wall, right? This moment, otherwise, there's something under. And so that's what I would want to work on is like what's underneath that that makes you feel like I need to connect with you right now. Are you feeling disconnected in some way?
SPEAKER_03I absolutely agree. I also think it's like the delivery as well. I think it's like, um, you know, if you're talking in person and you're trying to get their attention, they're like, no, no, no, like just talk later. Then you're like, okay, well, they maybe don't mean it. But I feel like if they're like, okay, like I hear you and we'll talk about this later, then I think that that's again like a good communication. Like, I would feel comfortable with that. But I think Aja's comment is funny, and I don't not disagree with her either because sometimes that is real women attitude.
SPEAKER_02Well, I I think okay, so let me let me just kind of like drill down on this for just a second.
SPEAKER_04All right.
SPEAKER_02If you felt like most of the time you were getting heard and seen, and you know, those bids for connection were happening, and you were having conversations where you felt like you could say what you needed to say, and you didn't feel you know, ashamed or uncomfortable or scared or whatever to have those conversations, um, the occasional lack of response from your partner is not gonna be a big deal. Okay, however, see, now you're doing it. Um we got we got the coffee and music and all the things coming to bear. Um so but if you don't feel seen and heard, every time is gonna feel like urgent, absolutely. That makes sense, right? Like I'm grasping to be seen.
SPEAKER_00Beforehand. If you don't feel if you don't feel seen or heard beforehand, is why you have that urgency to uh get your answer right now.
SPEAKER_02Because I'm trying to get I'm trying to connect, right? So if I feel like we're totally connected and you're just like I'm super busy right now, huh? I can't do this, I've got this report for you. Then you're understanding.
SPEAKER_00Okay, I okay, I I can see the point there.
SPEAKER_04Okay, we might just make sense, making sense, making sense. He's getting he's getting it.
What We Say Versus What We Mean
SPEAKER_02All right, so I've got a couple of what gets said and what's actually being said underneath it, right? And let's see if any of these land for you. You never do the dishes, okay. What's actually being said is I feel in bit invisible in this house.
SPEAKER_00Who's saying that?
SPEAKER_02Well, it could be a male or female.
SPEAKER_00So she's saying she's saying you never do the dishes.
SPEAKER_02But what that's what's actually being said, because it's not about the dishes, right? Right, is I feel invisible in this house.
SPEAKER_00Or not appreciated.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Basically.
SPEAKER_02Invisible, not appreciated, yeah. Not seen, not okay.
SPEAKER_00Okay, all right, all right, all right, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna give you another one. All right, give me another one.
SPEAKER_02You're always on your phone. What's really underneath that is I miss you and I'm competing for your attention.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely, 100%.
SPEAKER_02I feel like oh shasbuck.
SPEAKER_03I feel that I feel that one deep.
SPEAKER_01Got that one? All right.
SPEAKER_00I need a I need a male host. We're not thinking on you, we can go either way.
SPEAKER_01I know, go ahead.
SPEAKER_02I'll just you forgot again. What's actually under that wasn't you forgetting? I know what you're saying, yeah. What's actually underneath that is I'm not a priority to you.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Why do I have to ask?
SPEAKER_00You ready, bro? Oh, that's that's can we call it can we can we can we freeze on that one? Yeah, we can freeze it. Why do I have to ask? That's a that's a tough one. Because I say for instance, if a person doesn't know and you're not making suggestions towards it, you know, I mean the person just don't know. So why do you have to ask? It's because that person really don't know. And say for instance, you know, uh if I, you know, working my butt off and couldn't go out on a date or anything like that. So I ain't talked about going on a date or anything like that or whatever, and that person asked, and I'm like, uh, okay, we can go then and then that person's on top. Why do I have to ask? Because you didn't understand what I was going through. And did you even bother to say, hey, hey, you know, I know you're tired and stuff like that, or whatever. Can we have a you know a date or whatever? Maybe that's what you need in order for, you know what I'm saying? The approach. But when you come with, well, why do I have to ask for you know to to date? Then yes, you're gonna get a reflective response of negativity with you know when you do something like that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Or say something like that.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01Don't just I don't disagree, but let's go back to No, I don't want to go back. Just no funny. You never want to go back.
SPEAKER_02I don't know why.
SPEAKER_01No, go ahead.
SPEAKER_02We don't ever go backwards.
SPEAKER_04Go ahead.
SPEAKER_02Um let's pretend for a moment that I it like it's the cup that triggered me, right? And I'm like, why why do I have to ask for you to take care of this all the time? What I'm what I'm saying is I shouldn't have to manage you and the tasks and all the things, right? You and by you not putting the cup away, we go back to I don't feel seen around here.
SPEAKER_00Like it's just it's it's this big circle of there's something happening to me that makes me feel like but as as a man, I mean, and and for anyone that's out there, I I would think as a man that you would listen to that because if not, your relationship is drowning.
SPEAKER_02About the cup, are we talking about the cup?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, your relationship is is is drowning, you know. Even though I, you know, I kind of joke about you know having to ask or stuff like that or whatever. But real truth is that, you know, when those type of conversations come up or whatever, it's because your dr your relationship, you know, whether it's communication, uh lack of sex, lack of whatever, then you know, it's drowning, you know. So, you know, those are cute things to look out for, which I agree.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. Because it goes back to And I hope y'all can hear me.
SPEAKER_00I hope I didn't go in and out. I'm sorry, yeah. My bad.
SPEAKER_02Well, I heard you like you were like screaming in my right ear, but you know, I don't know what that um yes, and it kind of goes back to everything we've been talking about, right? Do I feel safe enough to tell you what's really what this, you know, what these dishes really mean to me, what this cup really means to me, um, or not, right? I mean, so it's all this big beautiful web. We'll just call it a web. Okay. Um, okay. The next one is it's fine. Gotta be with the tone.
SPEAKER_00No, yeah.
SPEAKER_02It's fine.
SPEAKER_00When you say it's fine, that's it.
SPEAKER_02It's not fine.
SPEAKER_00But now these are now, these are all women. Is it all women's reactions?
SPEAKER_02Or is this this is this is not in pink. No.
SPEAKER_00Okay. All right. I'm just I'm just checking.
SPEAKER_02I'm just checking. It's fine, it's not fine, which that should have been pretty obvious by the tone, right? It's fine. Right?
SPEAKER_00It's fine, I mean I'm gonna this it's fine. I mean, I'm I'm I'm about to get I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna get you back. It's fine. That's all right. Don't worry about it. You know what I mean? That I mean, that's that was a different thing. I would take it. Oh, you would? It didn't, and then I would probably be like, what's fine? Why why is it so fine? What's you know what I mean? What you got planned or whatever. You know what I'm saying? It's kind of like you're dismissing what's going on because you got a plan for something else. That's what I way, I would take it. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02So um often it means, well, first of all, it's not fine. We know we're all in agreement that it's not fine, right? And I don't think you even want to like know about what it is, right? Like I'm just that's what's that kind of what it's linked to, right? Right, right. I mean, it could be some, okay, well then I'm gonna get you back, but that's kind of a different motivation, but it's more like I'm not, again, not feeling seen or heard, or right, you know, you don't actually want to know, so it's fine.
Audience Takes On Dishes And Respect
SPEAKER_02Okay, all right.
SPEAKER_00Well, hold on, before we go to the next one, yeah, we got the the the chats is is chatting.
SPEAKER_02The chat is chatting.
SPEAKER_00Uh what's up, Samantha? I'm loving families all coming in today. What's up? I appreciate y'all. Love y'all. Uh you have to learn and respect your partner. Don't just learn the love language, but what triggers them as well. Uh that's my niece.
SPEAKER_01Lil' niece. Hi, niece. Um you're right.
SPEAKER_00No, no, I mean she's she's right, you know. Uh, but sometimes you have to that that person has to uh verbally let them know what that love language is, and not just say, oh, you know what my love language is, you know, and doing an argument or bringing up an argument or whatever, you know, like you're arguing or whatever, and the next day you know, well, uh, my love language is touch and you don't touch me. And well, why didn't you let me know at the very beginning? That's what your love language is, and maybe I will try to touch more, you know what I mean.
SPEAKER_02Yes, and and first of all, I think I think fuel read the book, so I'm pretty impressed, or at least listen to the audio book. I'm not sure. No, I haven't, but you know, there's so it like I say every week, it's so um there's so many moving parts, right? Really? It's not one book, it's not one thing that's gonna we have to really get to know. But first we have to know ourselves, and we have to know why we may or may not respond in a certain way, what what triggers are happening in us, why I don't feel safe to say to you, I really like touch. Maybe I just feel like you should just know because whatever, because if I tell you, that might feel like, oh my gosh, well, what if he doesn't want to do that? And then I'm rejected, and you know, the mind, right?
SPEAKER_04I got you on that, yeah.
SPEAKER_02So so you know, healing yourself so that I can feel comfortable in that if this is important to me, I should feel safe to say it to you, regardless of the consequences. Because if you were to say, I'm not a touchy person and that ain't gonna happen, I kind of want to know that and I want to be okay and not make it mean anything about me. But that all takes work to get there.
SPEAKER_00So I got you. Um, who's uh Heather. Heather says, I won't forget, I just want to be heard and not cut off when speaking.
SPEAKER_03I hear you, girl. I hear you on that one.
SPEAKER_00I would do some hand claps, but I'm not gonna lie, I ain't trying to encourage y'all. I'm not gonna encourage y'all. Oh man, this chat is really like going up. Okay, hold on.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, if you're like right in the middle of a conversation and somebody's like, they're like, stop, stop, like I wanna, you know, talk about this later, then we'll just cut you off. I feel like it just eggs me on more.
SPEAKER_00Then Heather said, Not sure about that. For me, what's uh actually being said is always do the dishes damn, I'll do the dishes damn it with a small percent of I'm not appreciated. That's what she said. That's what you said earlier. No, I said that's what you said earlier.
SPEAKER_02That's what I said earlier, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, basically it's what it is. Is it's saying that I'm not appreciated, you know what I'm saying? So yeah, she's don't point on that, she's don't point on that. All right, let me get to some of these, let me get to some of these.
SPEAKER_03Uh Heather, we beat it.
SPEAKER_00I know, all right. Thanks, Heather. Um, with the dishes, I I would say it's asking for more uh partnership needing help with the basics around the house. Okay, yes, true that, true that, true that.
SPEAKER_02And then going back to that fairness, right? That fairness one where we talked about like I don't feel like this is equitable. Like I'm doing a lot and you're not, and and I'm not appreciated, right? You don't understand that I have things to do, my time's not valuable, I'm not valuable.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it kind of goes and uh she says, and also can do with a little of not being appreciated because you're not noticing when I do do the dishes. You know, I think you just you just you just brought up something there.
SPEAKER_02Uh-oh.
SPEAKER_00We opened the can. No, no, because that that actually happens. Sometimes you do something and you're constantly doing it, and then when you stop doing it, then it's not being appreciated and you play like it never been done. It's never been done. So basically I'm saying is is like we said, is is say for instance, all I do was the dishes in the trash or whatever, right?
SPEAKER_04Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00And then a week goes by and I didn't do the dishes in the trash. And the other person had to do the dishes in the trash, and they didn't appreciate, you know, the fact that they had to do the dishes in trash, so then they make it make sound like that you, you know, ain't there for them or a partner, or you know what I mean? So what do you guys say about it?
SPEAKER_02So what I have to say about that is that they're feeling like the dishes were your contribution to whatever, and they're doing something that's a contribution, and now you've made the the scale unbalanced, right? By leaving the dishes for them to do.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_02And again, again, we go back to like if we have conversations about how should this look and what's your what are you gonna do? What am I gonna do? What you know, it it solves a lot of these problems, right? But we get into these things where we're just doing the dishes or we're and maybe to some degree you start out because you just like a clean kitchen, so you just do it, right? And then at some point that turns into why am I always doing the things? Okay, why am I not getting help?
SPEAKER_00Okay. Ellie said, why do I have to ask? To me is a is a broad and can mean a and can mean a lot. So an X is why do I have to ask you to do the dishes, wash clothes, or simply put the seasoning away or close the cabinets. So I think we are we getting along, we're kind of getting off, or is it the same? Does this fit in the same uh well?
SPEAKER_02I think the assumption there is um still not being appreciated. It's still not being appreciated, but also for Heather, it's like it for her, this is how we clean the kitchen, right? We don't leave dirty dishes out, we put the spices away, things things belong where they go. And I agree because I like that too. Um, but not everybody lives that way. Some people leave their stuff all out all the time, and they're okay with it, right? So that that that specific thing about why do I have to ask, like we really should talk about what is the kitchen, what should the kitchen look like that will make me feel comfortable, will make you feel comfortable, right? Right, and agree on that. Um, but that's going slightly off topic in just that it's about that appreciation. That part is what's really underneath the fact that the dishes aren't getting done. Okay. Right.
SPEAKER_00I'm feeling I feel like we talked this the dish, the dish show. Natalia, Natalia said, oh, we got we got a few more minutes on this on this topic. Um, what if something like that your partner says towards your child? Uh, why doesn't your why doesn't your kid never help? I've seen it a lot uh in mixed families. What does this mean and how to handle? Is there bigger issues?
SPEAKER_02So the so the father is not telling the child to to do their chores or to help with chores?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, she's saying she said, No, she said, why I guess if the if he's asking why doesn't your kid never help, like do work or whatever, you know what I mean? She said, I've seen it a lot in mixed uh mixed families. Why mixed families?
SPEAKER_02Why are you just getting your friends?
SPEAKER_00What'd you say?
SPEAKER_03Uh so um, I said, and she said, What does this mean and how to handle it? She's wondering how to handle it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, this could I mean this could be from a lot of things, right? So it could be a bigger issue. It could be a much bigger issue um in that whatever the parent is that we feel like should be telling the child to do something, um, you know, for whatever reason doesn't want to create confrontation with their child or wants to be a certain kind of a parent, or and that again kind of goes back to their work, right? So, what is it preventing that person from wanting to get their child engaged in helping around the house because they live here too, right? There's something there um with that individual that would be worth exploring, right?
SPEAKER_00So it's it is it's a situation within the whole as a family, if there's case.
SPEAKER_02Well, I mean, if neither parents are saying, do some do your chores or here you gotta help. I mean, that's that's those parents I think are really needing to look at what's preventing you from doing that. There's some something that's keeping you safe by not doing it. What is that? Okay. Like, what do you think your kid's gonna like hate you forever? You're gonna be called the worst parent in the world. I mean, maybe, but you know, so what is it that you know, what is that? What is underneath the what's preventing from getting your child to help?
SPEAKER_00Oh, what's behind that conversation, period? Like, you know, is it more like you said, that may not be the fight?
SPEAKER_02Correct.
SPEAKER_00You know what I'm saying? Correct, correct, correct? The fight could be something else, but yet you're using that as a shield to even uh go into the real fight, basically.
SPEAKER_02And if it's one, if it's you know, the the couple that can't get on the same page about it, what's preventing the one that feels like they want to say something and aren't saying something to the other partner? Yeah, what's happening there? What's the fear around not sharing what feels right, you know, for you and how you see it? Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_00Hella, hella, hella is not playing today. It's a lot to learn in your partner. Love language is one, birth order is another, uh, how they were raised, where they were raised, some case birth signs. Oh, some cases, yeah, birth signs. That's true. So I'm I'm I'm I'm tired of y'all Virgos. I'm just letting you know.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, this has been good.
SPEAKER_00Um sorry, I don't mean cut. She said facts feel, however, uh, that may also be a sign of narcissists. Uh-oh. Could be for them, it's always uh they don't see you or what they do or what they don't do, especially if they stop or just don't do it in time in one time. Do it in one time? Yeah. I hope I got that right.
unknownAbsolutely.
SPEAKER_00Did you understand that? I was kind of a little choppy, huh? I sound like I'm choppy. Facts fuel, however, that may also be a sign of narcissist. For them, it's always they don't see you or what they don't see. Absolutely. Especially if you stop or just don't do it one time. Yeah. Nobody, no comment.
SPEAKER_02Well, yes. I mean, uh, you know, I mean, we're we're talking in a lot of hypotheticals here because everybody's wired differently. Their experiences growing up are different. They're, you know, so yes, I mean, for sure it could be. Um we have more that we want to answer.
SPEAKER_00Uh you see me over here? Well, I'm yes. Yeah, but yeah, we're gonna ask them some more because we're gonna have a part two. We're gonna have a part two to this. And and and we're running out of time. We're running out of time. And I'm gonna give you to a get you to a uh stopping point too, real quick. Uh, I think that is a uh facts. After 27 years, I don't ask, I shouldn't just do. I don't ask, I should just do, or you should, or ask, yeah, shouldn't you just do? Yeah. Um sometimes it depends. I mean, sometimes sometimes you you you get thrown off. You know what I mean? Uh when you say just I shouldn't ask, and you should just do. You know, sometimes, you know, something else could be going on in the other person's mind. And it's is it should be your job as a partner to find out what's going on in their mind before you start assuming or or or lashing out at them or whatever the case may be, because they could be going through something.
SPEAKER_02Or they it's just not important to them, like they're not seeing it through the same filter, right? So if they're the person.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, at that time, it might not be important to them or whatever, right? And but they could be going through something and not even thinking about that, you know what I mean? Uh yeah. But uh, okay, so we let's
Criticism Versus Contempt Warning
SPEAKER_00get to it.
SPEAKER_02Okay, we gotta get so I'm gonna leave you with two things because this is gonna kind of give us um we we had a lot of things that we still could have covered, but maybe we should have done a part three. This is good though, I love it. Um, so just because as we go into thinking about um part two, so there's two things that um that Gottman um uses as measures of how we're doing in a relationship, right? So if we're talking, we're staying on the cup, you guys. So if you hear you never do the dishes, that's a complaint about behavior, and that's still workable, right? That is that is considered criticism, and it's still workable. We can still have conversations about it, we can make change. Where it starts to get a little slippery slope is in contempt. And contempt is something like of course you didn't, you're useless. You never do the dishes. That is attacking the person, and that is an area where we are very likely to not continue to stay together. That's not as workable when you're attacking the person versus the issue. So leaving you with that. Okay, all right, all right. Part 47.
SPEAKER_00Well, the thing is, too, I I didn't even really get to my questions or whatever because we our comments was uh was firing up on there. I appreciate everybody that's commenting and listening. Uh yeah, that is. Uh, we appreciate you guys. We're back, you know what I'm saying? Six o'clock. I can tell the difference. Six o'clock is a lot better than seven, you know what I'm saying? Uh, but it's about that time, you know what I'm saying? We got our our uh celebrity corner and she got something special for us today. Let's go with it. Let's go with it. She helps what you got, what you got for us today?
Celebrity Corner On Leaving A Dream
SPEAKER_03Yeah, welcome up, welcome back, everyone.
SPEAKER_00My bad, my bad. Give her some, give her some love. All right.
SPEAKER_03Thanks for the love, Phil. Welcome back, y'all. Every week I break down a celebrity story that's been making headlines that have connected to a bigger conversation surrounding mental health. And um, today I'm talking about Rhys Weaver. She's one of the most beloved Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, formerly on the America Sweethearts on Netflix. And today I want to know have any of you ever worked for your whole life for something and only to realize letting it go was the healthiest decision you would ever make? Um, that's exactly the conversation the internet has been having after Reese retired. So she retired after three years, um, only three years on the Dallas Cowboys, which most of you are probably thinking three years, that sounds like a lot. But in reality, it's not because most Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders they stay for full six years. So the veterans are on that team for six years, and they're usually, you know, devastated when they have to walk away at year six. So the question has been why did Reese walk away at three years when she was one of the most beloved cheerleaders on the team? Um, some of them have said that it was social media got to her, which she had confirmed that social media was a big driving force behind her retiring because she said it um took a mental toll on her. And also her husband, people speculated was forcing her to retire, but she shut those rumors down. So I want to know about what you guys think about if she did retire social social media. And I feel like we've t dived into this before, but I feel like it could be a big reason why she retired. But she mentioned her her cup was full and she was leaving on a she was leaving at a healthy state in her career, and her cup couldn't have been fuller, and she felt peace in her decision. And recently her husband and her have moved back to their home state.
SPEAKER_00How how long lasting is a career as a cheerleader?
SPEAKER_03Um about five minutes. It's six years on the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. That's what they give them. That's what the veterans say for six years, and they have to um re-audition every year. So recently they've made the American Sweethearts on Netflix, which has been a big, huge show. There's some drama behind it, but it's mainly all over good. They've improved their they've improved the mental health of the cheerleaders and the pay, which is a big thing. But Reese was such a big star. She was one of the most beloved cheerleaders, as I mentioned, on the show. And she did a lot of their promote promotions like on the news and extra dancing shows with like um with some of the singers. But I just don't understand, like I understand that you know, social media might have been a part of it, but like it's hard to be in the public eye. But for me, like if you work some you work your whole life for that dream, and then you have a you know, you have an opportunity to go for the full six years of what they allow. So why wouldn't you, you know, go on with your dream to the fullest extent when you worked because these cheerleaders to get on the Dallas Cowboys is like a huge, huge, prestigious, you know, thing for a cheerleader. And for me, if I was working for that dream, um, me being in a horse background, if I was to make my dream come true, make it in a car, I would ride it for as long as I could. So for me, it doesn't really make sense of why she retired. I understand, like I said, being in the public eye was tough.
SPEAKER_00But how old is she?
SPEAKER_03Um, I think she's pretty young. She's like 25, I think, maybe.
SPEAKER_00Really?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so I feel like she could have gone. She did have an injury that they mentioned on the Netflix show that just aired the season three. But they she did have like an ankle injury during that season that they showed, but nothing that she couldn't like come back from. I think it was ankle. I can't remember which body. It was like her leg, it was something to do with her leg, but she was overall healthy and um, like I said, just really everybody loved her and she loved it. So I think that's why the internet has you know just been contemplating why she retired. That makes sense to everybody, you know.
SPEAKER_00Here's a comment to you. Uh does Shelby have any Jerry Jones stories? That's what I yeah. So you know Jerry Jones is the owner of uh Dallas Cowboys.
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah, very well versed in sports. I can do that for you if you'd like.
SPEAKER_00So maybe what happened was I'm just putting my spin on it. No, I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I want to hear what you think.
SPEAKER_00Maybe she's getting away from Joe. No, I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_03I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_00Uh but yeah. Uh oh, I'm sorry, finish class. Uh, but I I mean I I I could truly say that that sometimes, you know, especially someone in that in that line of work or business, especially dancing hard the way they do and practice hard the way they do, you know, you have to find something early retirement-wise. You know what I'm saying? Because it's not gonna last. You know what I'm saying? It's not they know that's not gonna last. You know, you got other younger kids coming up right behind you that's just as uh energetic, just as good, just as limber, and and can dance, you know, after you know, dance so much, you know, slow down. You know what I mean? So that I would think that that's one of the reasons could, you know, as far as her, you know, uh going to social media now and as opposed to just being a cheerleader.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. She did mention that it was time for a new chapter to begin, and she didn't know what that looked like, but she did mention that on the show. Um, she said that she would like to um have a new chapter begin with her and her husband. So it could have been a reason, but I still don't get it. Like I said, I would have rode but dream out as long as I could for six years because they work so hard for it, and it's a great opportunity. I mean, they're they're so they're so big, they're bigger than the team now. So um I still don't get it, but it could have definitely been um a reason why she just wanted to let a new because she said she could let some new people in. So maybe she was just being nice. She's really, really nice and genuine. I think that's why a lot of fans gravitated towards her.
SPEAKER_00What did you gonna say?
SPEAKER_02I was gonna say, well, I you know, I guess I have a couple thoughts. One is um, and this is for everybody to just kind of ponder, you know, have we ever thought that we wanted something? And then we get there and it's not what we had envisioned in our mind.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03After I was going next, Coach G, you took the words out of my mouth, right?
SPEAKER_02Which doesn't make it necessarily bad, but you know, okay, I got here, I experienced it. Sometimes we want to get there just to be able to say we got there. Right, and she she did the thing, yeah, and you know, and I think you know, if she really is that young, if if she was making this decision to to step out of this role because she truly wanted to do something different, and that's what her heart was saying, I think it's brilliant.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and especially if she's found something, you know what I mean to go lean towards to or whatever. Yeah, uh Jacob asked why uh what does she think about Tony Romo getting busted? Oh, that may be something you can look up.
SPEAKER_03Uh yeah, I'll look it up. I'm not sure, but I'll get back to you on that.
SPEAKER_00They're asking you the question. So um Heather also says sometimes when when you get the dream, that's all you need.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I I mean I think that's I do think that that's where she was going with this because she seemed really at peace. Like I said, her cup was full, and I think she's still been doing a couple promos with them. Like she's been dancing for a couple of their events that they do, and they bring some of the all-stars back. Um so I do need to look up if she was all-star, so I was wondering if she was an all-star that didn't list it. I tried to look it up, but yeah, deeper because but uh yeah, I think that's where she was headed. You know, she got there, she did it, she got everything out of this dream that she could have.
SPEAKER_04Oh, that's what's up.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we appreciate it. We appreciate the the corner with with shelves and celebrities. We appreciate you on that one. That's what's up, that's what's up. I mean, they have in and in those comments just now, and you might want to, you know, dig in and see what I'll take notes. Right, right, right. Uh, it's almost time. What it we a little over time, but I'll do seven second charge double for overtime, just so you know.
SPEAKER_04I do too.
SPEAKER_00Whatever. Anyway.
Bonus Story On Intimacy Boundaries
SPEAKER_00No, check it out. Okay, so because we were talking about, you know, dishes, and we were talking about so this is a little bonus. This is a little bonus story for today, and I want to get everybody's uh opinion, and I'm sure the view person viewing might want your opinions as well. Um I had a young uh guy that just and we talked about this just today. Um and his uh significant other had an argument, and the thing was they was arguing. Well, it will it really didn't even start like we said, dishes, it didn't start as an argument. It kind of like, you know, uh he was being respectful or whatever, and then it ended up after a little while later, an argument. So this is the story, this is the stance. I'm ready, I'm ready. I hope you're ready for it. So all right, so hold on, I gotta put the camera over.
SPEAKER_01Oh, how why am I worried about this?
SPEAKER_00Okay, because it's it's it's it's it's it's real talk. I mean, and when basically and this person told me they they didn't want to talk about it to a friend because they feel like the friends would be more biased. Yeah, they are you know what I mean? So he asked me.
SPEAKER_02Because you're not a friend?
SPEAKER_00I'm not a friend.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00Well, I'm not I'm not that type of friend where I know him that well, you know what I'm saying? You know, but you know, he's cool, he's a friend, you know, but I just don't know him. Anyway, so this is what happened. Okay, he had, you know, a a date, he's dating someone, and while he's uh while they're out, no, at the house, they're at the house and her kids, the girl's kids, uh, you know, had called her because the dad was drunk or whatever, and you know, they felt like you know, causing problems and everything. Well, they were in the midst of get ready to get busy. Y'all know what I mean when I say get busy, right?
SPEAKER_02We know.
SPEAKER_00I yeah, they were in the midst of getting busy. But when the kids call or whatever, you know, he was kind of like being respectful, like, hey, you know, handle the you know, handle that, you know what I'm saying? We don't have to go, you know. And then she, you know, she just kind of convinced him, no, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. And then they go into the bedroom, right? And then so they get busy, you know, she gets hers off. I could hear people laughing. I could hear it.
SPEAKER_03I'm laughing at mine, she was laughing too.
SPEAKER_02Just wondering how colorful is the story gonna be.
SPEAKER_00This is a real this is a real thing. It's a real thing, and it's a real, you know, uh scenario and it's a good one. Yeah, she got she got hers off. Yeah, she got hers off or whatever. And so she, you know, wanted to get in a another position. And he said the position was kind of awkward because, you know, the way they usually do it. So the position was towards where the phone was on the nightstand. So as they get into position, doggy style, on if y'all don't know, uh then she was texting. She picked up the phone and starts texting. So he felt some kind of way, because like, you know, like what the hell? You know what I'm saying? And so basically, he held in before about the whole kids thing and didn't want to argue about it, of course, and then they went forward or whatever. And the argument wasn't really about uh uh, you know, the sex thing. It wasn't about, you know, like I what you know, you ain't feeling me or something like that, or whatever. You know, it's not about the sex thing. It was still about the kids, which they could have just continued to that conversation instead of going into the sex. So you kind of follow me. I'm with you. So, so of course he asked me, you know, I'm saying, was I was he wrong about that or whatever. And I my opinion was not the fact that uh you weren't like totally wrong, but you know, she basically like got hers off and was still considered of you to get yours off, but she still had this it, so she's trying to satisfy satisfy both of y'all, you know what I'm saying, and trying to be mutual with or or multitask, so to speak, you know what I mean. So we're going over time, we're going over time.
SPEAKER_03I think Lynn and I were both worried about this story. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Well, I mean, this is that's good. Okay, keep going. So, I mean, so the question is is he was he in the wrong? You know what I mean? Because of the fact that he, you know, he brought it up later, of course, like like he didn't feel like uh that should have you know took place, but then he also Also didn't take into consideration that, you know, she was still trying to, you know, make sure you got yours. You know, even though she got on the phone, I mean, you know how y'all women are. Y'all can be like, you know, like once y'all get y'all and then y'all just like, all right, go on, go. Y'all know it's true. Y'all, y'all know y'all trying to still hear players not true. But my thing is, my thing was, I think she was still at least been, at least I told him, you know what I'm saying? It's kind of like because he was truly upset of the fact that he didn't want to be uh involved or whatever. And that's that's something, you know, I was I think in as as this conversation we talked about today, was it like something that was in the back of his mind already? And it just kind of like, you know, this little thing may have just opened the doors for that to leave or not want to be with that person.
SPEAKER_02So what was he really upset about? Like, what did he tell you?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, the only thing, the main thing he was he was upset about is that she she was texting while they were doing it. Yeah, I mean, I mean though, even though, even though he could have been, he should have, and I thought that he should have been more considerate of the fact that, you know, for one, that's her kid, you know what I'm saying? She's making sure it's okay. And then, yeah, and then you know, you got a baby daddy, mama. He said she, you know, she had locked the door, so she could have been concerned that something might happen. He might come over and be drunk or whatever, and bringing them home, or you know, and and come in at the bottom at the time that you guys are doing something, you know what I mean? So, I mean, and that's the that's the uh the the uh dynamics of the relationship that you basically put yourself in too with someone with kids and maybe having situations and a problem. So, what do you guys think?
SPEAKER_02Do I think he was wrong?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, do you think he was wrong, or do you think what do you think he should have done?
SPEAKER_02I think he feels what he feels. There's no there's that's never wrong, right? The question I mean kind of goes back to the cup. Like the question is what's what was really like what really is the the concern, like what's really bothering him, what's really painful for him, right? Because it it's not the texting that because the texting is the cup, what is it really?
SPEAKER_00Is it that you feel like you're not was it the sexting or the text?
SPEAKER_02Everything's so complicated. But you know what I'm saying? So like it does did he feel insecure, maybe not um seen or like like I'm not important because you're doing this other thing instead.
SPEAKER_03Like I kind of felt like she wasn't being present in the moment.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, who knows?
SPEAKER_00Like well, and and and that's and that's the uh that was the the case, Shelves. I mean, he she really wasn't being present. No, yeah, she wasn't. And and the the the thing is, it's kind of like did she was she being selfish to to like just get her hers off or whatever, and then you know, not even be considerate of how he might be feeling and you know, to just get his off like that. I mean, he might, you know, he was probably into the whole, you know, love and and feelings, and you know what I'm saying, and she's on some like get this shit over with. You know what I mean? I got kids, I got, you know what I mean? I don't know. So that could conjure it up from from the very you know, earlier conversation or whatever, you know, that they didn't really continue to address and then instead of going into the whole sex thing, right?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I agree.
SPEAKER_00Well, let's see what let's see what Heather says. Hella, hella, hella, heather. Heather said, uh they never should have done anything, should have uh gotten the kids uh squared away. Yep. The fact that she kept going tells you more about her than not. He needs to leave her alone. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Did you hear that, friend? Heather said you need to live. I I think that's why he was going, you know, leaning towards that. But yeah, but the thing is, is is did that ever really cross his mind beforehand to leave her alone? You know what I mean? And then this kind of triggered that to leave her alone. Okay.
SPEAKER_02There's so much more to the story that we don't know.
SPEAKER_01Well, no, that's that's that's pretty much the story until I get him on here. That's right. That's right.
SPEAKER_02And then there's so much more of the story that we don't know.
SPEAKER_00True, true, until I get him on there.
SPEAKER_03We need more, we need more context to be really thorough.
SPEAKER_00Okay, but you said she was wrong to text while being involved, but he needs to let her go. This incident is very telling of kind of woman she is.
SPEAKER_03I would have been upset if you I don't want to.
SPEAKER_00I I can't agree. I can't agree. I I I think I I think that she was probably concerned or whatever, you know what I'm saying? And she still wanted to satisfy him, or at least, you know, let him finish.
SPEAKER_03I think that's that's that well, I think the exception would be her kid.
SPEAKER_01You looking at me like that. This is just a funny conversation. I know.
SPEAKER_00This is this is the bonus for the show. Bonus time. But it's real though. I mean, you know what I'm saying? It's real. Uh, and although I'm laughing about it a little bit, but I think, you know what I'm saying, uh the opinions, of course, of our audience, of course, you know, I'm sure that they're paying attention to this or whatever. Um, and my opinion was to, you know, the fact that just be considered of the fact that she was, you know, trying to do both things and satisfy both or whatever, you know. I that's my opinion.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I would have been upset if I would have been upset if somebody was texting during that too. But if it was like her kids, I feel like that's like the only exception. Like if there was, you know, what if there was like emergency or something? But yeah, I mean, I agree that they should have taken care of something before, but like again, I said we need more context.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah, this is a funny concept.
SPEAKER_00Natalia said, Natalia said, I know, I know I was gonna raise some questions here. Natalia said, uh, what she did was disrespectful and inconsiderate. She should have taken care of the kids. If he was a good guy, he would understand.
SPEAKER_02Well, it sounds like based on your story at the beginning, he said, no, let's just go take you. He said, go take care of your what you need to take care of.
SPEAKER_00Well, yeah, he understood that or whatever, but then he still went about doing it. So, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but it sound uh maybe I got it wrong, but wasn't she like, oh no, let's just go, let's just go do it. Right. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00She was kind of like, it's okay, everything's okay. But he says she locked the doors and stuff like that. And you know, he's kind of curious, like, why are you locking the doors? It's just us here, you know what I mean, that type of thing, or whatever. So he has some little curiosity or either, you know, uh insecurity going on about what was happening. Not insecurity within itself, just what's going on.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I've never heard uh somebody text during having intimacy. I don't know. I've never heard that happen.
SPEAKER_00He said there are signs and he's he's seen them. Yep. There are signs and he's seen it. She says she's selfish. I can I don't know. I can understand if somebody's got a if if somebody's got a kid. I mean, I don't I I would feel some kind of way, but my thing is this though, I th I probably would have just stopped. You know what I mean? And then just just handle the kids, you know what I'm saying? And then we'll, you know, but then if it was something reoccurring or something like that, then I'd be like, hey, no, this ain't cool. You know what I mean? Especially when you get into intimate moments and stuff like that, you know what I'm saying? So that would be my opinion, you know. That's my bonus uh today.
SPEAKER_02That was an interesting bonus story, and so much to unravel there, but yeah.
SPEAKER_00Right, right, right.
Next Week Guest And Closing
SPEAKER_00We appreciate you guys coming. I appreciate y'all, everybody that that's watching. Um stay tuned for next week, man. I mean, we got a guest coming in uh by the name of Brian Blackman. Um, we're talking about his real world survival and his recovery for over 902 days in uh uh uh alcohol?
SPEAKER_02I believe so, yes.
SPEAKER_00Or yeah, yeah, or drugs, you know, that type of thing. But we're gonna get more, we're gonna get deep into his story uh next week. Um don't forget, man. Just stay tuned. Just stay tuned. Uh do I say stay tuned or do I say to me?
SPEAKER_02You could say either, both work.
unknownIt's okay.
SPEAKER_02They know what you're talking about.
SPEAKER_00Tune in, tune in next week, dang it. We got it going on. Uh, we got a guest in the studio, and we're gonna be doing uh, I mean, I got a lot of questions for them. And then then after that, we got part two of this conversation that we talked about today with the following week. I'm giving y'all a lineup already, so y'all know to tap in every daggone week. You know what I'm saying? And if y'all don't, then we got problems. That's all I'm saying. So we're gonna do part two of um what was it? It isn't about the dishes, it's not about the dishes. It's not about the dishes, it's not about the dishes, not about the dishes.
SPEAKER_01It's not about the dishes.
SPEAKER_00All right. Got anything? You got anything before we leave? Uh-huh. You got anything?
SPEAKER_02Oh my. I don't know. I have nothing. I've got nothing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. You got something. You threw me for a loop with that story. Uh, my mind is just on things. That's that's you know, I like a surprise. I like I like the surprise.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I like the surprise. But um, no, I mean, I love having the engagement from the audience. I think that's super possible. Um, so please tell your friends that you know, pop in, be part of the conversation. That makes it more fun for all of us, I think.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, um, your credentials. Everybody know where they can um contact you, you know, if they have in your professionalism, not just calling and asking you questions.
SPEAKER_02For now, just I I'm in I'm in the middle of a revamp of my website. So just you find me, you find me here for now. In a couple weeks, I'll I'll give you some more scoop. But for now, I'm right here.
SPEAKER_00Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Y'all heard her, right?
SPEAKER_02Unless he brings up any more of these stories, and then maybe I'm out. Right, right, right, right, right.
SPEAKER_00All right, Shells, we're about to go. What do you got? What do you got before we leave here?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, thanks, y'all, for tuning into my segment today. Um, if you have any more comments of what you want to hear, let me know.
SPEAKER_00They told you. You look up with Tony Romo.
SPEAKER_03I took notes, but keep dropping them.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep dropping it, keep dropping it. That's what's up, man. That's what's up. We appreciate you guys tapping in. Uh, once again, we'll see y'all next week at 6 p.m. 6 p.m. Subscribe, follow us. It's always gonna be yes, share. Yeah, it's always gonna be a live uh fired up show here at fired up broadcasting. So remember, if they're talking about you behind your back, they behind you for a reason. Eeeee, we out. We're back. Fired up broadcasting, y'all.
