Nonchalant Dating: A Fresh Take

 Nonchalant Dating: A Fresh Take 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:01

Woo! All right. We're back with Fire Up Broadcasting. What's up, what's up? It's Fire Up Thursdays, you guys. Yes, right. You already know what time it is. Get ready for the conversation that matters, the stories that inspire and the reasons behind it all. This is reasons, y'all, where passion meets purpose and every voice has a story worth hearing. You know what I'm saying? And it's your boy Fuel. Your guest is in the house. We got our guests. I got a nickname for her. I got a nickname for her, y'all. Coach. Lead is in the house.

SPEAKER_04 0:51

What's up, I'm loving my new nickname.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

And of course, y'all, of course, you know we got the celebrity corner and gossip and everything. We got we got my girl Shelves in the house as well.

SPEAKER_03 1:04

Hey everybody.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

What's up? What's up?

SPEAKER_03 1:08

I always don't like my nickname.

SPEAKER_02 1:10

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:10

But I get myself.

unknown 1:12

Right.

SPEAKER_02 1:13

Well, we got we got a good show for you guys today. We're talking about nonchalant dating. Nonchalant dating. What y'all know about that? You know, what do y'all know about nonchalant dating? You know, uh, what do I know about it? Not much, but I don't know. I've never been, I don't know if I've if I've just been a nonchalant person at all. But of course, you know, as we do every time, every as I do every every uh segment, uh, give you guys a meaning of what nonchalant is. So nonchalant means acting casually, indifferent, or unbothered, often a defense of mechanism uh or a display of emotional control. While they can project a cool, drama-free demeanor, it frequently frequent frequently causes confusion, poor communication, and feeling of neglect in a relationship. And that's what we're talking about. Nonchalant in a relationship. Someone be in relationships. So we got we got a lot of stuff to talk about, man. We got some stuff going on. So um we're gonna go ahead and open it up with Coach C in the house. Let's go, baby. What do we got? What's up? He just renamed me, did you see?

SPEAKER_04 2:19

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did. What did you say? Coach C. Oh, G. Oh. I can't.

SPEAKER_02 2:32

I can't even get I can barely get the name right now. I can't even get the damn alphabet right. That's gonna be a whole other thing for us, man. This is gonna be a thing.

SPEAKER_04 2:43

How many years is this gonna be, guys? You wanna should we put a bed out there? Like how how long is it gonna take? Oh my god, so funny.

SPEAKER_02 2:49

It's crazy. Okay. All right, go ahead, open it up with us. Open it up with us.

SPEAKER_04 2:53

Oh my gosh. All right. So last week, if you missed it, you should should um pop by and listen, pop in and listen. So last week, Leek, we talked we talked about the avoidant, um, anxious kind of trap, the dance going back and forth, right? Um, and so this week we're gonna take a little bit deeper look at nonchalant dating. And the question around is that I'm not bothered, I'm just kind of going with the flow type person. Is that in fact somebody who really is go with the flow? Or is it a personality trait that's packaged up as attachment avoidance with just better branding? So this will be fun, right? So is it really you don't care? Or are you really avoidant and just pretending that it's all good?

SPEAKER_02 3:44

Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_04 3:45

Right? So, my I always start with a question for you two, you two lovelies, or whoever happens to be here. So, my first question for you is first of all, this is not the real question, but isn't nonchalant just a fun name? Nonchalance, nonchalant. Like it's hard to say, but it's kind of cool. All right, that's not the question.

SPEAKER_02 4:06

To me, it's it's it's it's the it's the attitude.

SPEAKER_04 4:08

Oh, you don't like it? Yeah, I don't like it. You you suck your tongue out. Clearly, you don't like it.

SPEAKER_02 4:16

Like nonchalant, like they it's like uppity or oh uppity.

SPEAKER_04 4:20

That's interesting. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:21

To me, just to me, you know.

SPEAKER_04 4:23

So my real question is what does that mean to you when you hear nonchalant dating? What is how would you describe that if you didn't know we were talking about today? And I just said, hey, fuel, what's nonchalant dating to you? What does it mean to you? What what what does that mean? How does it feel?

SPEAKER_02 4:41

To me, it's it's it's basically someone that don't even really care about you know having a uh deep conversation or uh meaningful uh uh plans to have a full, real, serious, long-term relationship. To me. Okay. That's kind of like what you know. But someone's line shot is like they just don't care about nothing else but maybe themselves or the or the moment.

SPEAKER_04 5:06

Okay. Yeah. So very so a little bit more self-centered, is that what I'm hearing you say? More focused on themselves. Let's ask, let's ask Shelps. Let's see what she has to say.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

To me, I think the word that comes to mind is um, well, when that when I hear that word, I feel like it just means that they don't want to put in effort. And they don't want to let you know that you or I guess I should say that they don't want to let you know that they care or you know want to put in effort.

SPEAKER_02 5:38

Maybe hiding their feelings, hiding.

SPEAKER_01 5:40

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 5:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 5:43

So here comes another question for you, which I didn't plan to ask, but I'm gonna ask anyway. Based on what we talked about last week, and we learned a little bit about um avoidant attachment style, dismissive avoidant attachment style. When I presented that a minute ago, did it feel like ooh, these people who are acting nonchalant could really be falling in that, or were you was your mind leaning more towards now? They just don't care about really anything other than themselves. Where how'd you feel?

SPEAKER_02 6:17

Uh I go with the second, number two. Number two.

SPEAKER_03 6:20

We're doing number two over here.

SPEAKER_02 6:22

I think, yeah, they I don't I I think they don't care, you know, too much. You know what I'm saying? I mean, there's a there's like like Michelle said, sometimes it could be hiding their feelings or whatever, or they could have been gone through a uh dramatic relationship before to the point where they just kind of use that shield, you know what I'm saying, and being nonchalant as if they don't care because of maybe being afraid of getting hurt, you know, uh throughout the time or whatever. So that's that's like a guard, you know, just putting the guards up or whatever. You know what I mean? Uh yeah, but that's but that's that's what I get from.

SPEAKER_04 6:54

What do you think, Shelb?

SPEAKER_01 6:55

I think that uh what you said was actually really accurate that they could fall in the dismissive avoidant category.

SPEAKER_04 7:04

Yeah, well, when we think about it from the perspective, and and I I think fuel was saying that in his own fuelish way, right? Or should I say his unleaded way? I'm gonna start calling him other names too. Um is that there often is that protection layer, right? And that's what a a dismissive, well, all all the insecure attachment styles have their own um way of kind of protecting themselves, right? But the dismissive doesn't really deal very well with emotions, as we know, right? It's not that they don't have them, they just don't know how to deal with them. So it's kind of jumping the gun and saying, like, if I just pretend like I don't care and I'm just flow with and it's all good, I'm kind of keeping you at a distance so that I am protecting myself from having to go into those deeper levels of emotions, which then is super uncomfortable for me. Right. Right? Right, yeah. So it might look like um nonchalance might look like we love this one for fuel. Like, I'm just gonna, you know, text you back whenever I can, whenever I feel like it.

SPEAKER_02 8:17

Right. Hold on, wait a minute. You're trying to say I'm nonchalant, I'm not I'm not saying wait a minute.

SPEAKER_04 8:24

Wait, did it feel like you? I'm just saying, but but we have to remember that if somebody has that behind them that they're just it's not if they're here's the tricky part, right? Here's where here's where you really need to think. If they are not texting back because they're busy, legitimately busy, that's one thing. If they're not texting back as a positioning move, to kind of be like, I don't really care that much, so I'm not gonna Yeah, and I believe that's the difference.

SPEAKER_02 8:57

That's the difference. Which one are you? I'm the one that that that's busy and don't do I don't do it purposely. I don't know. I'm picking on you. I know you are for me. It is a good example, but I yeah, I am the I am the one that basically are I don't like this because it's uh you know uh uh a power move or something that I would feel from somebody else with that type of thing, you know. Um so I I I'm I'm no, I'm I'm not that person.

SPEAKER_04 9:28

Okay, let's try this one on. All right. We should hang out sometime, but with no real follow-through. Have you seen that? Do you how do you what do you feel about that? Uh do you feel like the person then does are they trying to just get away from the conversation of like with a when they're talking, you know, they're talking to somebody like some people will just not say anything, right? And then others will be like, we should hang out sometime, but really they just don't do anything about it? Is it that they don't want to hang out? Or is it that this is another strategy, another protective move?

SPEAKER_02 10:05

So you're saying without a real you so you say without a real um like a without a real conversation of going forward or moving forward, or you just saying, say, for instance, if you just go on a date or whatever, are you saying like if if they don't like follow through after the date or whatever the case would be, am I being nonchalant because I'm not trying to right?

SPEAKER_04 10:26

Are you being nonchalant or is this an avoidant strategy? What do you think?

SPEAKER_02 10:32

Interesting, interesting. Is it avoidant? Uh I don't know. I don't that's a hard question. I don't know. I don't I never really looked at it like that, or whatever. Um, I mean, I think with me, if I'm not interested or or going to move forward, I'ma just be straight out about it. I've been nonchalant and just like let it just blow over. But I'm gonna have the conversation. This ain't working. This is not, you know, uh uh maybe our vibe is not clicking or whatever the case may be, you know what I'm saying? And then just kind of have that conversation and move on. Now, maybe when I was younger, it could have been a little, you know, a little different. So maturity might have made it. Maturity made it a little bit better for me. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 11:18

All right, Shelby, that one for you. Yeah, this to me is a very big red flag, and it drives me crazy because I feel like in the beginning, you know, everybody tries to act nonchalant these days. My personal experience with this generation that I'm in, they try to act nonchalant because they're like, oh, beginning they should, you know, don't want to act too available. But if they just text me and be like, sometime that to me, like they don't have a plan of dating me, like they're just like, oh, you know, nonchalant. Like, truly, like that word is like truthful to me. Like they're just being nonchalant without a plan in mind. And to me, I'm like, I want a man that knows what he wants, and not just I'm an option. That's how it comes about.

SPEAKER_04 12:03

There's a song about that, isn't there?

SPEAKER_02 12:09

I'm I'm positive that it's a country song about it.

SPEAKER_03 12:12

I'm pretty sure it's a country song.

SPEAKER_02 12:14

No, Sales, I know you know.

SPEAKER_01 12:15

Yeah, I don't remember. I mean, if I knew, I would tell you guys, but now I'm gonna go look when we're done with this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:22

She'll come back next time with the song. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 12:25

Yeah, but they turn so, Glenda, because I feel like that's what about disappearing acts?

SPEAKER_04 12:31

They go going quiet for days. What do you think? Nonchalance, am I just being like, oh, I'm just going at the flow, or that's downright disrespectful. That's a that's a whole nother category.

SPEAKER_02 12:43

That's what I would look at it is. I I mean, it's not being nonchalant. It's like if you're doing it and we're with the expectation of the person to to to uh uh follow you or or chase after you type of thing, yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_03 12:56

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 12:56

So one is but being doing it and just out of the blue is is disrespectful, I think.

SPEAKER_04 13:01

Okay, so let's dig into that one uh just a little bit because if we remember from last week, we talked about if you are a dismissive avoidant, and we didn't dig too deep into this, um, when you are feeling emotionally um connected, when you're starting to feel emotionally connected and the emotions are becoming real, not the this isn't at the beginning, because at the beginning it's all like you know, fun and games and whatever. So, but when you start to have feelings, right, um, it becomes uncomfortable because feelings are uncomfortable. We don't know how to deal with them. And so one of the strategies that a dismissive will do is kind of I don't want to say ghost, but let's that's the word that we all know, right? Is kind of just go into their little cave for a little minute um and not reach out because they just don't know how to handle it. So now, under that context, what is it? Is it nonchalance? Nonchalance, feels so fancy. Um or is it dismissive avoidant? And I'm I'm I'm I'm you know, I'm fishing, I'm right. I'm pulling you in here, pulling you in, pulling you in. Um, you guys any have any thoughts on that?

SPEAKER_02 14:13

Trick question.

SPEAKER_04 14:13

Yeah, well they're they're pretty much all trick questions when they come out of my mouth, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

Um I am actually uh don't have anything to say on that either. It's a great question, but I guess I just don't understand it if you can give me some more context.

SPEAKER_04 14:32

You don't understand why a dismissive would do that?

SPEAKER_01 14:35

No, I just didn't understand your question.

SPEAKER_04 14:38

Oh, so my question is if some if you get it, you know, you're in some level of a relationship and the the person just kind of disappears for a few days, do you feel like that is that's what we would classify as a nonchalant relationship? Or would you would you think that that was a um you know a dismissive avoidant behavior?

SPEAKER_01 15:01

Oh, most definitely. And I mean if they don't, if they just like go off the rail for a few days, like I said, that was one of my biggest red flags as well. Like I'm I'm not going to put in effort unless you're putting in effort, and that's definitely like an avoidance, you know, trait that I would be weary of knowing my task.

SPEAKER_04 15:21

Okay, I got a follow-up question for you, Shelbs. Yes, knowing a little bit more about how a dismissive deals with big emotions, right? And that they need to actually take space in order to be able to handle those big emotions. Do you think that would change your thoughts around somebody who disappears for a little bit?

SPEAKER_01 15:52

I would be totally fine with them if they communicate with me. If they're saying, hey, I'm feeling this way and I need to take a few days. I'd be like, absolutely take the time you need. But if you just don't communicate at all, then I wouldn't be okay with that.

SPEAKER_04 16:07

So this is part of the work, right? Because sometimes we don't know how to communicate and then we just don't. This is their strategy, unfortunately, not a great one, right? But a strategy to to kind of disappear.

SPEAKER_03 16:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:18

Um, okay. So let me scooch on up to another something. I got I got good stuff for you guys today.

SPEAKER_01 16:24

A thought just came to my mind. Nonchalant sounds like a drink, sounds like a cocktail.

SPEAKER_03 16:30

An expensive one.

SPEAKER_01 16:32

An expensive one, very expensive one in Italy.

SPEAKER_04 16:36

So nonchalant dating right now is really glorified.

SPEAKER_02 16:44

It's like like like that's the thing now.

SPEAKER_04 16:48

Like it's the thing. Oh, really? It's the thing, right? And it's and if you are a dismissive avoidant, it is like your playground, right? Because being that's like now I I've been given carte blanche to basically kind of just go into my space, right? Right. The dating culture doesn't want to talk about whether or not you're an avoidant because that doesn't sound pretty, right? But I just am going with the flow. We'll just, you know, I'll hang out with you when I want to hang out with you when and I don't when I don't, and all of that. So it's a very interesting, um, like I said at the beginning, it's like in many cases, and not in every case, in some cases, people just right don't want to get involved, right? And that's that's different. But yeah, um, but in many cases, it is a dismissive who has now, you know, seen all of this on social media and all of the the, you know, I don't chase, I attract that sort of mentality that's going around um in all ages, right? My I see I see it in um youngers, like you know, teens and up to olders, right? Right. That are there's this thing about if you're just really independent and you just really don't care, that's the cool thing to do. That's the cool place to be. Really?

SPEAKER_01 18:08

So absolutely. That's what I was saying, Glenda, is that that's like the generation that I'm in right now. It's a cool thing. That's how it's like, oh, yeah, be nonchalant, just act like I don't really care or put an effort, like it's just, yeah, this is a cool thing. I'm doing what all the cool kids do.

SPEAKER_02 18:25

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, I uh I never knew it was a thing.

SPEAKER_04 18:29

Well, so now that you know it's a thing, what do you what do you think?

SPEAKER_02 18:33

I mean, I think it's it's it's it's clearly, you know, and if if it has to do with the younger generation, I mean, it's it's it's clearly one of those things that are just uh validating immaturity. So to speak. Because one, you know what I'm saying, your communication should be on point of whoever you're, you know, with or trying to talk to or being uh uh uh present and what's going on and what's happening and what you're gonna do in the future and stuff like that. You know what I mean, and not on this whole nonchalant thing. You know, that that's just to me for a generation to be doing that right now is an excuse to be able to play around and mess with whoever you want to mess with outside of it. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 19:19

It's interesting, right?

SPEAKER_02 19:21

As an excuse to me.

SPEAKER_04 19:22

I mean, could be, right? Could could be. Um, and that I I mean, we've always had people that are playing the field, right? And they just handle it differently throughout the but how do you feel, both of you, and this is a question for both of you, how do you feel about that we and Shelby kind of pointed out that in her generation and and younger, right? Younger dating, um that this is kind of what's being you know, touted as like the way you want to be. You want to be very independent, you don't want to have to depend on anybody, you don't want to have to like commit to things, you're you're just kind of you know taking it very fluid. And if you do different than that, then you're kind of the oddball now. And so it's an interesting yeah, it's a not at your age, not at all, not at our age, but the younger thing.

SPEAKER_02 20:11

I think it's it's it's the it's the person, it's it's just the and and I'ma say I'm gonna say women, because not to say that women can be not shy as well, but I'm saying if you're accepting it, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? It and and and they have to be at a point where they don't accept this type of behavior, you know what I mean, to the point where they they, you know, a woman can make things seem like, hey, it's so bad that, yeah, you know what I'm saying, we don't go for this type of thing. You know, I don't care what generation it is, you know what I mean? It's it's kind of like, especially if I raise my daughter right, she ain't gonna accept that type of attitude with somebody or that type of trend that's going on when it comes to avoidance or being nonchalant, not caring, or whatever. You gotta have a conversation, you know what I'm saying? And that and that's the way I raised my daughter to be like, you gotta have a conversation with whoever you're with and and know what they're wanting and what they're you know trying to do or whatever. And if they're not willing to have that conversation, then you ain't willing to be with them.

SPEAKER_04 21:11

That's my I can't wait to meet his daughter. Oh, yeah. That's fine. She'll remember my name, just so y'all know. Okay, so I I love that. And not everyone's like that, right? And if you are anxious, let's say we're in a nonchalant relationship, right? And you there's little, you know, little bits of connection, right, from this nonchalant person who I'm gonna say is dismissive, but we'll call them nonchalant for now. There's little intermittent bits of attention. The anxious person, it's kind of like for them um sitting in front of uh sitting in a casino in front of a slot machine, right? I got something. I'm gonna keep playing. I'm gonna keep pulling the handle. I'm gonna keep going. I'm gonna keep going until I get the next thing.

SPEAKER_03 22:04

Right.

SPEAKER_04 22:05

Right. And so not every human can kind of, you know, just be like, look, I'm not putting up with that.

SPEAKER_02 22:14

Or pick up on it.

SPEAKER_04 22:16

Or pick up on it. Yeah. Or pick up on it.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

Sometimes, sometimes, you know, you can get away with something for a certain amount of time before they actually pick up on it. You know what I mean? Yes, true. So some of those uh actions can be filled with lies or filled with uh uh uh delay, you know, say kind of like stringing you on type of thing or whatever the case would be. You know what I mean? So I think some of the things that that the people would have to know is like some kind of warning sign or trigger signs or whatever to determine if that person is being nonchalant towards you when you actually really want a relationship. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 22:54

Yeah, we talked about this a little bit last week, right? I think one of the um the listeners had said you kind of need to know the end goal. The challenge here is how do you like if you're an anxious actually, and if you're a dismissive too.

SPEAKER_02 23:10

But they don't even go together though, really. Really? An anxious person and a nonchalant person is not even gonna Well, but they do. Really?

SPEAKER_04 23:18

Yeah, because um That's interesting. A non so the nonchalant is much like a dismissive. And remember, we talked about that magnet of oh, look how independent they are, look how together they've got everything, look how you know that's attractive to an anxious person initially, initially, right? Until the one thing that you want consistency, you know, to know that we're gonna have you know, this thing happening, um, until it gets to be too much, then then then we have a problem, right? But initially, it's very attractive to an anxious person to be with somebody who's kind of like too busy, too independent, too whatever.

SPEAKER_02 24:06

Is it is it is a it's more seemed like a challenge to me than more than just uh I you know I okay it sounds almost like a challenge for someone to be with somebody that's non-salant and they're the anxious one, whatever. And it's almost like these kids are are trying to see who can do and and and and get what out of each other better than the next.

SPEAKER_04 24:26

I I love that. And and I got more tweaks. Um okay, so uh uh yeah. Come on. Oh my god, okay, so I'm gonna go back to last week we talked about our body. Yes, we got to, because it all ties together, right? So our b so our body, our nervous system is comfortable in whatever environment we grew up in. Okay. So if I grew up in an environment where um I got love occasionally, but it wasn't really consistent, and I really don't know how it's when it's gonna come and how it's gonna come, but when I get it, it's kind of cool. And then and then I'm waiting for it again and I'm waiting for it again, hence anxious. This nonchalant person slash dismissive avoidant um is that feels normal to me. That feels like home almost because I don't know when it's coming, but when I get it, it's good. So I don't know if it's so much like who's gonna win at this game, right? Or trying to like get them or whatever. Um, they clearly want to be with them, and they're always gonna be the ones that the the anxious is gonna be the one that's giving a little bit more and trying a little bit more and people pleasing a little bit more because they don't know how to get what how do I get love from you? Like I don't know what it looks like, right? But your behavior feels a lot like home, feels like what I'm used to intermittent um love coming my way, right? Not consistent when I get it, it's really sweet and loving.

SPEAKER_02 26:09

So so are are you telling me that a nonchalant person and an anxious person is a good couple?

SPEAKER_04 26:18

Do I think that they're a good couple?

SPEAKER_02 26:19

Is that a is that a I mean, is that a I don't think that's a healthy relationship.

SPEAKER_04 26:22

A healthy relationship, yes. I don't think it's a healthy relationship, but it makes sense to me. It makes sense for them to be that way, it makes sense for them to be attracted to each other, to be attracted to each other. Yeah, interesting, but on both sides, yeah, on both in both places, um, they need to do their work, right? They need to do their work so that they can heal their core wounds, so that they can get to a place where they're more secure. And then that attraction won't be the same, right? So if we look at a secure person who is fine with being independent and fine spending time, and they just they have this, they they navigate the world of I'm not worried about where love comes from. I know it's it's gonna come to me, I know I'm gonna get it, it's gonna be, you know, fine.

SPEAKER_03 27:03

Right.

SPEAKER_04 27:03

They're not as um activated by people who are anxious or people who are avoidant, but they're also not really attracted to them, right? Because there's only so many times that we can go through the whole like, do you really like me? Or hey, I'm you know, disappearing for a week, either one of those before it's like I this is not really attractive to me, right? So you know, so it's it's that that opposite attraction that we talked about in the last few episodes, I think, that is happening here again with the nonchalance, right?

SPEAKER_02 27:39

Okay, well, I mean, but do you have the you have the the I mean I like that you're making me laugh because I I really I think someone that is nonchalant is uh is uncaring, like you said, you know what I'm saying? Or to me is uncaring, they're uncaring, they're not really uh uh uh having any uh uh feelings towards that person or don't know how to express that feeling, maybe. I don't know, maybe that it's something like that. But nonchalant, you know, they're they're they're because they're more so trying to avoid and and uh not take the actions that they need to take to be with that person, you know what I mean? And it's like and not wanting to to me, I mean that's that's where I'm I that's what I get it from when when I hear nonchalant, it's kind of like they ain't they're not wanting to try to be a part of it. So when when you say with two of them coming together, you know what I'm saying, and trying to work of it, then I think a person that's gonna be nonchalant has to open up, you know, or have to give, you know, as well. But then also the one that's anxious has to be more patient.

SPEAKER_04 28:50

I I love when he I love when he gets fired up about the whole anxious thing.

SPEAKER_02 28:54

Um, no, I mean because it's okay, it's actually really is it's really have like you said, it has to be about it. It has it has to be about people doing the work.

SPEAKER_04 29:02

Okay, so so when we started today, um my kind of question to you all, to all y'all out there, um was you know, is nonchalance a better branded version of dismissive avoidant? So are they the same thing or are they something different? Could be both, right?

SPEAKER_02 29:35

It could be both, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:36

But my my sense from what I've seen, what I've experienced, is there is a lot of dismissives that are falling putting themselves under the nonchalant nonchalant dating category because it's safer, right?

SPEAKER_02 29:53

Doesn't mean that they are because it's more accepted, and it's cool right now, right? Because it's cool. It's cool, so it's so it means it's it's accepted.

SPEAKER_04 30:03

Um, and that and the you know, just there's people who don't care, right? They're just gonna play the field and they just that's that's one category, and I would call them nonchalant or players or whatever you want to call them, right? And then, but this this um mentality of I just go with the flow, I don't really want to put that much effort in, I'm busy, I'm important, I'm whatever, whatever. Um is a perfect kind of protection for dismissive avoidance right now, right? Because they can just scooch their little self right under this category of like, yeah, I'm just nonchalant dating. But they still care, they still have emotions, they still feel deeply, they just don't know how to deal with it, which is different than somebody who doesn't care, right? That is making a conscious choice to stay detached. Oh, I'm making your brain hurt. I know I can see it.

SPEAKER_02 31:01

Well, I would say because I mean, I I I don't I don't I I can't give, I don't know, maybe someone being nonchalant, I can't give them no kind of rope or no kind of you know, string to to to pull or string along someone. You know what I mean? I and and I can't see it as being okay. You know, I can't see it as as uh uh a trend or or the the end thing or whatever, you know, because you're talking about people with feelings, people that's wanting to be with you, people that that's wanting to to uh uh uh express themselves without feeling like you know they're the only ones, you know what I mean? And and I don't know, I think it's it's it's a horrible thing to for someone to be that line shot if you're trying to be in a if you're really trying to be.

SPEAKER_04 31:49

If you're trying to be, yes, right. So there's scenarios, right, where we've agreed we're gonna be whatever. We're not gonna be in a relationship, we're just gonna hang out, right? Whatever that means. Um so you think so you feel differently about that if it's agreed upon initially that we're just hanging out, then then you're just doing your thing, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 32:09

Right. Whoever's doing their thing, they're just doing their thing or whatever. And and you know, you can't uh uh say, for instance, I can't be like agreeing to, oh yeah, we're just gonna do our thing or whatever, then get mad when she goes off and do something else or whatever, you know what I mean? I agree to that. I you know, so I should be doing the same thing and not trying to hover hover and see who what you're doing, you know, because then you really wasn't telling the truth. You really wasn't saying that's what you really want. It really wasn't okay. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 32:35

So you know, yeah, yeah. So so there he goes. Uh do you love this when I if you're just listening, you I have to describe this for you, but there's like a a feather fluffing, sitting up in our chair. This is fuel, I'm describing it. No, it's the C line. Oh my god, it's so funny. So funny. Shelby, what do you got? You got something that you before I move on? Do you want to talk about do you want to interpret this?

SPEAKER_01 33:03

Yes, thank you. I I think absolutely that it I think it could be the same category, but I think it depends upon that person's intentions. Like, so I think they absolutely are similar. Like you're saying, it's to a rebranded version of an avoidant, a dismissive avoidant. Um, but absolutely agree with you as well. It's really disrespectful. And I personally don't like it. Um and I wish I was born in a different era, to be honest, because I don't think it's cool to be cool how the what you know what is accepted these days. I don't agree with it at all.

SPEAKER_04 33:37

Yeah, I think I think we all of us sitting here would agree that you know relationships are um are tender and special and should be treated such, and you know, but the whole world doesn't see it our way. And I'm we can't wait to hear some of the feedback from the rest of the world.

SPEAKER_02 33:55

What what's your take on on someone that's basically uh who seems to chase for that person that don't seem to care, you know, that that cares the least. You know what I mean? They they don't care, so why are you chasing them? You know what I mean? What would what would be your your take on that?

SPEAKER_04 34:12

Like uh well, it depends on the motivation for the chase, right?

SPEAKER_02 34:16

So if you are motivation for the chase, uh-huh. If you're a if you're like that's more so trying to manipulate them into being whoever they get motivation, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:25

So I was gonna go to I don't want to get into the narcissist category today, but let's just pretend you're not narcissism, but you can say it. If you're a narcissist, right, which that's a whole nother 12 topics, but yeah, yeah, um the reason that I would chase you is to win, right? Is to be the the thing, the person, the one, the one that got the is that like that's so it's a game, basically.

SPEAKER_02 34:52

For because it's chasing to win, and then so and then and and then knowing that this person ain't trying to be with you, and then you you you manipulated, talked to them, and got them in the way that you want them, and then all of a sudden now you don't want that person. Yeah, because you won now. You know what I mean? And you beat you beat that little challenge that that person put out there. That's game, and and and it's that's not that's not even a good thing. It's not cool, it's not cool.

SPEAKER_04 35:16

Yeah, there's so many not cool things about this, right? Um, yeah.

unknown 35:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 35:23

Yeah. I I mean, I know we only have an hour, so there's what how are we on time?

SPEAKER_02 35:27

Oh, we're okay, we're okay, we okay.

SPEAKER_01 35:29

Okay, so I do have one more thing to add on this topic.

SPEAKER_03 35:32

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

unknown 35:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:33

I well, it's just kind of following, touching on what Peel was saying about women not putting up with this, because that's absolutely like I feel like I used to put up it a lot, and now I you know, I'm I have a I have a more of a backbone now, and I'm not willing to put up with this behavior. And I feel like the men that know that, you know, they'll put they'll be like, oh, she's not gonna, you know, deal with me. Like she's not gonna put up with this. And you know, it might help, but who knows? But I feel like it does help to not put up with certain behaviors that you don't want to put up with.

SPEAKER_02 36:06

Right. You you're able you were able to avoid those, those, those signs that you know the avoidant. Exactly. You know what I mean? And that's a good thing. And that's why that's why we do these shows, y'all. That's why we do this. Oh, and don't forget to subscribe. I forgot to ask. Oh, yeah, don't forget to subscribe and add uh add us to your uh playlist, all that good stuff, whatever, because we do we do drop some real good GMs on y'all, you know what I mean? And uh, and it's a learning lesson, you know what I mean? Just like uh Shelves just said, you know, you you know, you kind of like have conversations like this to be able to find or to able to recognize those tar those character traits, you know what I mean, and people to uh uh to avoid, you know, if you need be. If it's not in your range, in your niche or or your uh uh uh uh style or lifestyle or you or whatever that you wanting to go forward, you recognize it early enough instead of being wasted time and getting into an unfulfilling relationship, period.

SPEAKER_01 37:08

Yeah, and that's just growth and you know get dating different people to know what you you know what you're doing.

SPEAKER_04 37:14

And you know, I've always I've always got to add the and. Um and um sometimes it looks like the person's presenting in a way that you have red flags about, right? But the more that we talk about these things, the more that we learn opens up your mind to being able to say, is there something that I can do to communicate differently that might get me closer to seeing what's underneath the shield, what's underneath the the protection? Because sometimes they are awesome people and they just don't know how to show up.

SPEAKER_01 37:54

Absolutely. I agree. But I'm going to bring out my Latina side, y'all.

SPEAKER_02 38:01

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:02

Well, that sounded a little bit like your countryside right there, y'all.

SPEAKER_02 38:05

Y'all, I know country Latina, y'all.

SPEAKER_01 38:11

No, I'm Latina, but my mama's white and I was born in the country. So got you, got you.

SPEAKER_02 38:19

Uh, so what about uh how let's see, social media, like basically, of course, like we were just saying, you know, they're glorifying this glorifying it and everything. But is carrying too much considered a red flag?

SPEAKER_04 38:35

Well, carrying, I mean, I the there's no real answer when you ask me these questions, and I think you do it on purpose, right? Like I mean one. I mean I'd be wanting to know it's nuanced, people want to know. Yes, okay, so there's because we are all humans on this planet and we're all different and we're all wired different and we all have different experiences and all the things, there's never one real answer, right? When you ask me these questions, because I can't I can't give you the one answer. So it if you're getting to the point where you're like caring too much, if it's impacting your mental and physical health, then that's caring too much, right? Then you're caring too much if you're not getting what you need, right? Right. But you know, if if you are in let's say an anxious attachment style and you are doing a lot, you're a people pleaser, that could be perceived as carrying too much, but I would call it a strategy.

SPEAKER_02 39:25

Um, when you say strategy, what's the well it's a strategy to strategy to get the person well to get to stay connected, like we had talked about before, right?

SPEAKER_04 39:34

So if I'm gonna do something nice for you, then maybe you'll connect with me in some way that makes me feel like okay, we're good for the moment.

SPEAKER_02 39:41

Um, and so So what about the the uh the assumption for that? You know what I mean? So some people do things and they just assume that they're gonna be they're gonna uh reciprocate the the say the right thing, uh back, you know, with whatever they gave them or whatever. You give to me that right, right. And then if they don't give it, it's kind of like, oh, because you don't care. You know what I mean? And when it's not, yeah, but still it it could be, yeah, but it's not really the fact that maybe somebody don't care though. It can also mean that you know they're probably not where you are.

SPEAKER_04 40:13

Or they don't, or they don't show um.

SPEAKER_02 40:18

And I mean when I'm saying not where you are, it's it's it's like whatever you know, whatever that person's capabilities is, you know, mind-wise, you know what I'm saying? Like you can be you can be doing whatever you want for someone and you can be caring and you can be loving or whatever. But if that other person's mindset is not in the same place, you know, either you're gonna have that conversation or just the understanding that this is where I'm at right now, then it's not, you know, uh not this, not the fact that I don't want to get there and I'm not gonna get there, it's just it's this is kind of where it is, or whatever, you know, and I don't want to try to feel like you're, you know, I don't want to feel like that I'm um taking advantage of the fact or unappreciative of the fact of what you're you know doing for me or being there for me type of thing or whatever. You know what I mean? So when someone over, you know, uh do things or whatever when it comes to uh the behavior or when it comes to uh uh uh being there for you or giving you things or whatever the case may be.

SPEAKER_04 41:19

Okay. So in a future episode, we should talk about love languages because we okay.

SPEAKER_02 41:27

I'm gonna read up on that because I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 41:29

Oh boy, here we go. Um okay. So some people, and without getting too much into it, but like some people give gifts and that is their love language.

SPEAKER_03 41:38

Right.

SPEAKER_04 41:39

Okay. And it's different. And your love language might be telling me you really appreciate me, right? So we tend to give from the love language that we want to receive from, not the one that the person feels the most love from, right? So if I'm giving you, this is not 100%, but if I'm giving you a gift, it generally, if unless I know you know what your love language is, it's it's how I want to see love coming back at me, which is why.

SPEAKER_02 42:08

I agree with all that, right? I agree with all that, but it's the expectation of wanting something back, or feel like they should have given you something back, or feel like that they should, you know, it's just automatic, you know. Yeah, I did this for you. Now you should automatically, you know, you should already feel like doing something for me, regardless. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 42:27

Yeah. I mean, uh there's a lot of talk about, you know, the relationship should be 50-50, right? And all of that. And I don't believe that. It's kind of like a hundred and a hundred hundred, right? We have to give you a lot of things. We have to give what we're we're it that doesn't mean I'm gonna show up a hundred percent a hundred percent of the time.

SPEAKER_03 42:43

Right.

SPEAKER_04 42:44

But if I'm in, I'm in, right? Right? I'm not in 20 and you're in 80%. Like that doesn't really work. Now that doesn't mean we're not it's possible that we're not moving at the same pace initially, right? There's stages of of you know getting to know somebody and dating and honeymoon stages and all of that. So it it doesn't mean that we're gonna always be at the same pace, but we should have the same kind of destination in mind, right? And be in it if we're in it or out or if we're out, right?

SPEAKER_02 43:10

Uh you just you just you just said the key word. You know, the key word is is destination, the right destination in mind, you know, where you're trying to go is where we're gonna be. Even though it could be a rough, rocky rough situation going there by even learning each other, learning people, which just doesn't happen overnight, you know. It doesn't happen, you know, in in even over months, you know what I'm saying? It takes a while. Just like you said, you have been married, right? And it took a while for you to learn certain things about your husband or whatever, to the point where you know you still knew what your destination was, you know, what you guys wanted to where y'all wanted to get at, or whatever. And these rocky little situations came through and y'all got through 'em. You know what I mean? Which made mainly built the relationship stronger and made you guys stronger. You know what I mean? And last longer than, you know, than any other normal relationship or rake uh uh not normal toxic relationship, you know what I mean. Um so yeah, so I so I I get it, I get what you're saying. I I I understand. Don't go like looking at it. And he's like that, but I've got I've got a twist. No, no, no, no, no, there's no twist. There's no twist. I I mean I follow exactly where you where you're coming from, you know, and and and the meanings in between the two, but I I always kind of put that that that uh what's the word? I I always try to put the the the negative with the positive. You know what I mean? Yeah, so I think I try to, you know, I mean, I'm I'm optimistic to certain you know, certain ways or whatever, because sometimes we talk about relationships and it can, you know, in real time, you know what I mean? It's kind of like people like, well, you know, how do you avoid this at the beginning as opposed to having to go through it and going through this heartache and pain and stuff like that, you know? So I kind of like when I ask certain things, it's because I want to ask those questions that most people will ask, you know, that's basically a real time, you know.

SPEAKER_04 45:08

Yes. And I would say if there was one perfect answer, I would absolutely give it to you. I think that giving you guys tips and tricks and things that you can try that may or may not work for you, right? And it doesn't mean it doesn't work, but we're all wired different. So, you know, we are all coming at it from a different place. You know, you're you you're very um you're very open, and it feels like you would be able to just tell me where we were at if we were in a relationship, right? That's not always the case for the other person, right? Right? They can't sometimes we replay the whole the same sentence that we want to say to our partner a thousand times in our head. Oh, absolutely, and it and it just can't come out of our mouth, right?

SPEAKER_02 45:55

And it's so or it comes out wrong if it does come out sometimes, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:00

Like sometimes. So, you know, so for some people and it might not be a a a hard question or a hard statement, right? But there's some something in our wiring, something in our childhood, something in our upbringing and our wounds and what you know, our attachment style that makes it I can say the I can say the sentence in my mind that I want to say to you a thousand times in my mind, and I can envision it, and I can, and then here we are sitting in the same room together, and there's no reason why I shouldn't be able to get out of my mouth, but it won't come out of my mouth.

SPEAKER_02 46:32

Right.

SPEAKER_04 46:33

Right. So that is that is work, right?

SPEAKER_02 46:37

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 46:37

I get yeah, you know, that is work.

SPEAKER_02 46:40

Okay. Oh, you already know you're hey I love it. That's what I that's my life. That's why I love here. That's why we're here, man. Just you know, because I'll be having questions, I'll be having no, no, no.

SPEAKER_04 46:52

I and I love it. I love it, I love it, I love it because you're coming from your viewpoint. I'm coming from my viewpoint. Shelby's coming from her her viewpoint. Absolutely. The listeners are gonna be coming from their viewpoint, and you know, I I I want to just um, you know, present in a way that I'll I'll bring you things to try. Um, and if they don't work, come back and let's figure out something else, and we'll try something else because we're all different, right?

SPEAKER_03 47:19

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_04 47:20

There's not one answer for every human, unfortunately. We'd all be so good. We'd be like little Stepford wife, you know?

SPEAKER_01 47:28

Yeah, we're all we're all living this life for the first time.

SPEAKER_02 47:32

Yeah, it's it's uh in your opinion, who falls in love faster, the nonchalant partner or the anxious, in your opinion.

SPEAKER_03 47:45

What in your opinion?

SPEAKER_04 47:46

Who the um that's a tricky question, and here's why it's a tricky question. Okay, um I think the anxious one can feel like they're in love sooner, but there's a little bit of um, and I don't want to use like the word, you know, winning or conquering or whatever, but just a a little bit of like I I want love so badly versus I want you so badly. Right? So I I think they could feel like they're in love sooner, um, because the idea of love and emotions and all of that is just right, right? But I think when it comes to is it have I really thought this through and have I really decided that you're the one, and have I really like analyzed the whole thing? And I think it's the dismissive. If we get if they get there, they're there.

SPEAKER_03 48:48

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_04 48:49

Does that make sense? Yeah, okay. Of course, it could take 17 years, but you know, that's all yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:56

I mean, we can we could go on and on and on and on with these type of conversations. I think that's also a song. Um and on and on. All right, um, okay, uh I mean, because I I I mean, I seriously I could ask like a million questions when it comes to these type of things, especially with the relationships. I know. Uh but I don't have we don't have that type of time. We don't have that type of time.

SPEAKER_04 49:22

All right. Well, so let me give a couple of tips that I wrote down. Um, if you are dating someone who's nonchalant, again, we have to try, we have to see if they work for you, right? We want to hear from you if they don't. We're here to try to support in whatever way we can, but you don't talk to us, we don't know.

SPEAKER_03 49:40

Right.

SPEAKER_04 49:41

Um, okay, so the attraction that the person who if I'm the the person dating somebody who's nonchalant, the attraction is real, like I'm having a real attraction, right? Right. But we need to examine what's driving it and going both directions. Is it genuine chemistry or is it your nervous system responding to something that's familiar? Going back to this feels like home.

SPEAKER_02 50:10

The attraction can be mis uh concepted, misconstrued by by just the look of a person as opposed to they, you know what I mean? It's kind of like cause I mean, of course you that you're online dating now. Online dating, you're attracted just to the photo.

SPEAKER_04 50:29

You know thank goodness I don't have to go through that.

unknown 50:31

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 50:33

You're attracted to that person. That's your first initial, at least for the guys, you know what I mean. And then I think most of the women, I mean, unless you, you know, like myself, a mature fella, you know what I'm saying? I I get more fella.

SPEAKER_03 50:51

I like that word, mature fella.

SPEAKER_02 50:53

I would, I would get I would get attracted more to the converse with the conversation that we're having. Okay. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because the conversation says where you are, where you've been and in the growth that you may have come and matured, you know, as you have, you know, past relationships and stuff like that. So that's an attraction.

SPEAKER_04 51:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:11

So as opposed to just the the photos or yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_04 51:15

Yeah, yeah. You want to get to really like feel the energy and kind of whatever. Bless you. Okay, so well, bless you. Um, so if you are if you are dating someone who's nonchalant, these are things for you to think about, right? Or to ask yourself. Because the attraction feels real. So you need to examine what's driving it. Is it genuine chemistry? I'm gonna repeat this again because it's important, right? Or is it your nervous system responding to something that's familiar? Okay. So so that's a so something to think about. And you might not be able to do this on your own, right? It might be beyond your um what your brain will allow you to do. I say, and this is something that you'll hear me say a lot, you can't fix the same brain this problem with the same brain that caused the problem, right? Like you can't fix the problem with the same brain that caused the problem. So if you don't have help getting different thoughts like we're doing here, if you can't have somebody throw something at you that wouldn't be something that your brain would normally think about, you kind of get stuck in your own cycle, right? Because you don't have access to something that's different, right? So, um, okay, so here's another thing. Ask yourself, am I enjoying this person? Or am I this is to fuel's point, or am I working to earn this person?

SPEAKER_03 52:32

Right.

SPEAKER_04 52:33

They feel some um similar when you are anxious attachment, but they are not the same. So am I really enjoying spending time with you, or am I just trying to get your love? Right? Because I so desperately want love. Right. Nonchalance is data. So a person's behavior in the early in early dating before they have a reason to hold back is the most honest version of how they will show up later. Okay. And the final one for the those who are dating someone nonchalant, direct communication is your most useful tool. Not always easy though. So I'm interested in you in you, and I'd like to know if this is going somewhere. Their response tells you everything. Right. Hard to say though, right? Sometimes we have this will be the person who's standing in the shower repeating this question a thousand times, and then they get in front of the person and they can't get out of their mouth. Right, right. Okay, what if you're the nonchalant one? You ready for this?

SPEAKER_03 53:34

I love it.

SPEAKER_04 53:35

Okay. Ask honest questions. Is your easygoing vibe genuinely how you are, or is it a way to avoid being the one who cares more? How's that land for you?

SPEAKER_02 53:53

It ain't landed, yeah. It's percolating. Okay, it is percolating.

SPEAKER_04 53:58

Notice the pattern. Do you feel relief when someone stops pursuing you or disappointment? Relief could equal avoidance. Disappointment could mean that that connection mattered and you're, you know, that you're letting go.

SPEAKER_01 54:13

That's a great one.

SPEAKER_04 54:14

So that's a good that is a good one. Yes, nonchalance protects you from rejection, it also guarantees a preemptive loneliness, right? So if you're kind of keeping everybody at distance, yes, you might not get hurt, but you also don't feel the fields, right? And vulnerability is not a weakness, it is the only path to the kind of relationship non nonchalance. Now I can't say it, claims they want or need. Right. So all right, all right, all right, all right how are we feeling?

SPEAKER_02 54:44

Oh no, I learned something. I learned a little something something. Learned a little something, something. We hope you guys learned a little something something out there as well. Um, yes, and we before we get into our shelf's corner there, we're about to uh I just want to close off on this conversation, you know, for questions for uh the viewers for you guys to, you know, tap in on or or comment, you know, about this. Uh if someone acts like they don't care about losing you, should you believe them or are they just testing your love? That's the question. And actually, I probably should have asked that question at the end, in, in, end of the show. But we gotta go, we gotta go to celebrity corner here. I don't know why I call it celebrity corner. I don't know, Shelves, you know, it's all it's really behind, it's really behind the headlines with Shelves. You know what I'm saying? So we're gonna go into that. And uh, yeah, let's go, let's go, let's go. What's up, Shelves?

SPEAKER_01 55:46

Yeah, thanks for the introduction as always, Phil. All the hype.

SPEAKER_03 55:51

Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_01 55:52

Yeah, well, unless you've lived under a rock, most of you should know by now that Travis, Kelsey, and Taylor Swift got married on over the 4th of July weekend, which was I think it was an interesting choice to get married on the 4th of July weekend. But surprisingly, they did it. They did it at Madison Square Garden on July the 3rd. And it was a very like private ceremony. I think they shut down like down there. And I heard that most of the celebrities that went, like their friends, got taken in like a separate entrance, so nobody liked the paparazzi would see who was filming. Um, but yeah, with that being said, I kind of wanted to dive into their story because I think it matches our main topic that we talked about the nonchalant dating, because Travis was the absolute opposite of nonchalant dating. This man showed up to her conservation eras tour with his, he made a friendship bracelet with his phone number. And um, he was going after her hard and he let the whole world know. So I think that is complete opposite of, of course, of nonchalant dating. But as Taylor said, she was like, it was something out of an 80s movie that he was, you know, outside her window with a boom box, like telling the whole world that he wanted to date her. And she said she really appreciated that. Um, so I think that was a great testament. It's like seeing public figures, how Travis was displaying his love on, you know, basically to the whole world, and he wasn't gonna stop until he got her. So he was just pursuing her. Um, and I um I think that that's just a great testament to their uh their love story.

SPEAKER_02 57:36

Um yeah, I think that Where Where did they they get married in a stadium? Where was it?

SPEAKER_01 57:41

It was at the end of Madison Square Garden.

SPEAKER_02 57:44

Madison Square.

SPEAKER_01 57:44

Yeah, Madison Square Garden Madison Square Garden. That's the uh that's the um the basketball uh yeah, yeah, that's a huge it's a really famous place to New York. Um I think they like completely transformed it in there to what it's like.

SPEAKER_03 57:58

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 57:58

Yeah, and they haven't released like too many photos, but I think we're all dying to see what she wore. I know some of the trash and gal, but also like to the nonchalant point, is um they both Taylor was also supporting her man, which I love. She was there at every one of his games, you know, amidst her busy schedule, both are busy schedules. You know, they made time for each other to support each other. And amidst of the negative commonance that they got, because there was a lot of negative commonance, and I think there is some Taylor's haters out there. Really? And Travis, too. Yeah, they had a lot of negative feedback, and I think that them just pushing through to show the support and love they had for each other, um, especially being so public. Um, you know, they're both superstars in their own right. Um, they didn't care about the negative comments and they showed up for each other, which is what matters at the end of the day. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 58:52

So so what was is their relationship a pure example of what you look for?

SPEAKER_00 59:00

Yes, absolutely. Yeah, that was my next point.

SPEAKER_02 59:02

I think that they're you look for that guy to come and woo you.

SPEAKER_00 59:06

Yeah, I want the bootlock up on my window, people.

SPEAKER_02 59:09

I want them to see me. No shyness, no uh uh uh being what's what's the word? What was that topic? Being uh uh nonchalant and all that good stuff.

SPEAKER_01 59:21

Yeah, Travis was absolute nonchalant, and I think most men should learn from him.

SPEAKER_02 59:27

Right well, he was he wasn't nonchalant, or as he was last.

SPEAKER_01 59:29

No, that's what I'm saying he wasn't, he was a completely yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but what's your take on their, you know, kind of attachment styles, do you think? Without well, we don't know too much.

SPEAKER_04 59:42

I have to be honest, I'm one of these people that don't really follow them that much because I don't watch any news or any of that sort of thing. I'm too busy worrying about what my brain is doing. Yeah, um, but you know, they both seem to have pretty secure attachment styles. I'd have to dig a little bit more into seeing, you know, kind of analyze them a little bit more. But um, secure is kind of like where we want to be, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:00:10

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:10

Yeah. What do your thoughts feel?

SPEAKER_02 1:00:14

Um, well, I mean, my my thing is I mean, he did it right. He does he basically um uh it wasn't it wasn't it wasn't one of those just like celebrity or you know, um we we're put together, you know what I'm saying? And and we're we need to be in the limelight, and we gotta show you, you know what I'm saying, that everything is good, good, good, or whatever. You know, I'm sure that everybody has a situation, but from the from the from the way we've been following them from the uh football seasons and after season, just the support of each other, him supporting her at the concerts, and she's supporting him at the games. And you and I'm talking about you traveling hours and hours from each place to each place to be with that person says a lot. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? So, you know, congratulations to them and and and and their uh not only their success, but their their love and their wedding and all that good stuff, whatever, you know. I I I I I commend them, I commend them, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:18

I also have big I've also worked with the Smoky family for a while.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:22

I and I'm a big fan of football, so but knowing what we know, of course, we don't all know everything, but what I've heard is the Kelsey family is like a pretty loving family, and I think that that maybe you know was a great example that Travis had growing up that and why he was able to be you know secure for Taylor. But I think that also, yeah, her supporting her man, I'm a big fan of. I think that both sides we should learn from them. And I think being able to configure they displayed it really well.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:55

That's what's up, what's up? That's what's up, Shelbs. Thanks for checking. Hey, the digging in, digging in and finding out the good things, you know what I mean, when it comes to relationship and using these uh uh celebrities as good examples of of something, you know, uh positive these days, you know, because that's what we need more of. That's what we need more of. So kudos to that.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:15

Thank you for uh oops, whatever that was.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:20

Uh just trying to give her her kudos. Give her kudos. But we appreciate you uh behind the headlines with shelves, you guys. That's awesome. Man, that's what's up, that's what's up. That's gonna do it for us, you guys. I mean, hey, the time goes fast, the time goes fast. I know, right? The time flies, but uh and then unless you guys got anything else. I mean, I think we're pretty much, you know, we done covered a lot today. And hopefully the fans and the and the uh listeners and our supporters and all that, you know, get something from it. Yeah, and continue to listening to us and subscribe.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:59

Well, and yeah, really like just you know, drop your thoughts in there, right? Let us know what you're thinking, what you want to hear more of, what questions you have, what what activated you, what made you laugh, all all the things we want to know.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:16

Continue checking us up out, checking us out at live live. What's this wrong with my dad going to? I don't know. I don't know. Check us out live at 7 p.m. every Thursday. We might go back to 6 p.m. Oh, y'all cool with that? Yeah, anybody cool with that? Oh, you said uh okay, cool.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:36

Not you were asking us, but we're cool. I was talking to you, you oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:44

That's what's up, that's what's up. We appreciate you guys tapping in until next week. He doesn't know if they're talking about your back, they behind you for a reason. No, I need to cut that part out. No, you know what he's gonna say?

SPEAKER_04 1:04:07

I didn't push the record button. That's what he's gonna say.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:09

Oh my god, if he didn't. No, it's recording, but if we're at 104, we messed it up.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:20

Dang it. I was gonna catch her. He wasn't even catch me. And we are what? No, 104. No, that's good. I didn't I haven't even scales. I haven't even ended it yet. It's still going.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:34

Oh, sorry. You can cut it out, Phil.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:40

No, I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna cut it out. I'm gonna, but no, we good. Everything's good, everything's good, you guys. Uh cool. I mean that's it. I'm gonna hit it.